"Life should not be a journey to the grave with
the intention of arriving safely in an attractive
and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in
sideways, chocolate in one hand, espresso in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming...
"Whoo Hoo, what a ride!"
Every time I looked at my calendar and came upon the date, April 28th, I got a pit in my stomach. Sometime back I had a major trip to the ER regarding some heart issues, and yesterday I had a three hour "How are you really doing?"appointment with a cardiologist. I'm a tough cookie, but I was nervous playing out the what ifs. I thought often about my dear friend Vicky Westra who goes through these appointments on a regular basis. I love how she describes herself..."Healthy with a side of cancer!"While she sees gratitude at every turn, I'm sure she too, from time to time, gets a little queazy at the possibilities.
So, I pretended I was Vicky (no, I am not making this up), trying to see gratitude that no, I hadn't had a heart attack and yes, there were options that in all probability would help things to get better. I even sang the song from the musical, The King and I, that went...
Whenever I feel afraid
I hold my head erect
And whistle a happy tune
So no one will suspect
I'm afraid...
Hear the vintage version for yourself:)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Up4mbHD1CU
The appointment, while not easy and full of opportunities for some radical life changes, went without a hitch. I came home, more emotionally exhausted than physically exhausted, and plunked myself in the sun on the bench in front of our home, next to my beloved Bert.
I put my head on his shoulder and the tears started to flow. I whispered that I was scared, and he held my hand. I talked about Vicky and told him I had pretended to be her, looking for the blessings. He didn't laugh at me, he merely smiled.
I told him that I was afraid that my physical heart might not be up to speed for the journey of wholehearted living I wanted to engage in.
What if...
what if I wasn't going to be able to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand and espresso in the other.
What if...
what if?
Bert rubbed my back, gave me a kiss, did some breathing with me and then said,
"Oh, by the way...a card arrived for you today in the mail. It's from Minnesota."
I knew instantly who it was from. As I opened the card I was met with a card filled with JOY...a series of beautifully painted art pieces, made by precious grade school children.
Guess what they drew? HEARTS... a series of beautiful hearts!
I knew it was no accident. It was no accident that the card arrived on the 28th. It was no accident that it came from sweet Vicky. It was no accident that she picked a card filled with glorious hearts!
I instantly knew..."All shall be well!" Thank you, dear friend. I knew that whatever was on the horizon health-wise for me, that I wouldn't be alone. That God would be with me.
It would be okay. I finally could take a deep breath and I felt a peace come over me.
All shall be well, dear Vicky. Thanks for reminding me.
I love you to the moon and back!
and God Bless the rest of you too! :)
Linda
3 comments:
I am typing from my phone so you know I read this!!! Oh my! I will come back soon when I can get to my computer
Ahh this had me smiling from ear to ear...yet my eyes were filled with misty tears...Because your post...was beautiful and I loved how "you became vicky"...I loved loved it all...Now I dont know how you all got each other's address's but ii doesnt matter because I would say...you to her, her to you..timming was perfect...and I am the lucky one that gets to read this and grin..knowing both sides of the story...Hang in there Linda...I would say...Birds of a feather...birds of a feather...and I am forever greatful to be able to just flutter around such wonderful women! Love to you dear Linda...this post..spoke to my heart..and the gifts of meeting other's..and well...lifes gifts in general....LOVED! and Priceless!!
My word verification showed up when I clicked to leave a new comment… the second word is "daughter." And its part of the reason I sent the card with hearts to you in the first place! I saw those hearts, and thought of all the love you emanate- through your words- your deeds- your actions. I truly was not focused on your recent health issues with your heart- but I was so drawn to the love I felt from you!! So many times, we are being used as instruments of God, and we have no idea who will be on the other end, or in what way. What a beautiful testimony to the power of faith, hope, and love, and God's presence right in our midst.
So glad you emptied- to fill again. Feel the fear, the hurt, the sadness… then release like you did and you allow the peace in, the joy in. They will envelop you in a whole new way. A friend wrote to me with the best advice given to her… as I sat in anticipation of another MRI and what might be found… "Remember, God is already there." I've clung to that… He knows… every little detail he already knows and he won't leave us!
So much love to you!! Oh how you bless me!
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