Letting It Go...

                                           YOU WILL
                          FIND THAT
                                IT IS
                        NECESSARY
                              TO LET THINGS
                           GO; SIMPLY
                       FOR THE REASON
                           THAT THEY
                                ARE
                             HEAVY. 
                           
                                     -Anne Lamott


Yesterday started out like any other day...full of promise.
And then the news came. A shock wave if you will.
Twenty four hours later I am still reeling.

Someone I used to know, who I really cared about, did something so despicable that I just couldn't wrap my mind and heart around it.

Granted, this person had made lots of pretty awful choices along the way. I have been shocked before, but not like this.

Little by little over the past years I have adapted to seeing them in a new and more realistic light. When I thought of them this quotation came to mind...
                    
                   Hurt people...hurt people.

I have tried to have compassion with their choices that hurt so many because I knew they had been so hurt growing up. I have tried with all my heart to see them the way Jesus sees them. No matter what they have done, or who they are, they are still a child of God.

And I do believe that it is not my job to judge.

So countless times, in the not so distant past, I have "moved them out" and distanced myself emotionally from them. I did this
because they were so mixed up and toxic that I knew it wasn't healthy for me to associate with them. I felt like I had them at a safe distance from my heart and that they couldn't hurt me again or hurt those I love again.

That was until yesterday.

I am still stunned that they could do this. My head shakes as I write those words. I feel as if I have been hit by a truck when I let in the magnitude of the new low in their behavior.

Oprah Winfrey once said...
             "When someone shows you who they are...
               believe them."

Even though this person has shown me who they are time and
time again, and I have seen them do unthinkable things, I have still prayed for them. I have always prayed that they would have a turn-around. That they could change. I wanted to be realistically optimistic about them.

Today, after seeing the hurt they have caused , I am just plain angry. Yet me carrying that anger is not good for my health.

I am praying to find a way to let this go. I have to do this simply for the reason that it is too heavy for me to carry...way too heavy for me to carry. I plan to write them a letter I will never send, just as a first step in the letting go process.

Please keep them and me in your thoughts and prayers!
God Bless!
Love Linda