Create in me a clean heart,
oh God,
and RENEW a right spirit
within me.
At the beginning of the year I pick a "word" that will
guide me for those 365 days. Sometimes the word comes easily. Sometimes I know what the word is, yet I am less than eager to tackle it.
My word for 2015, Renew, was the latter. I absolutely felt like God was calling me to this word, yet I went kicking and screaming into doing it.
I am like that sometimes.
Just.plain.stubborn.
Oh, the doctor says, "Linda, you need to lose ten pounds." My immediate response, sadly, is not "yipee skippy. You're right, doc. That is what would be best for me to do."
I struggle with my own will.
May I have an "Amen!" to that somebody?
In 2014, I loved my word. It was "wholehearted."
No problem with that puppy. It fit like a glove. No struggle only smiles.
Not so with "renew."
You see "renew" is part of a phrase from the Bible.
In context it reads:
Create in my a clean heart, Oh God. And renew
a right spirit within me.
It's that create in me a clean heart piece that I have been struggling with all year.
I continue to ask God almost daily, okay almost hourly, to clean out my heart from ALL resentments and lack of forgiveness. To clean out my stubbornness about having my own way.
To clean out...
All selfishness. All my will not Thy will.
It's slow going.
We have a wall in our family room filled with our favorite pictures. There is Bert windsurfing at the beginning of the sport. There are our beloved grandchildren.
There is the word for 2014...wholehearted. Up there
on a black chalkboard sign. Clear as day.
And where is the sign for renew, you ask? Did you make one, Linda.
Yes.
Is it up there?
Nope.
I made the sign and it has followed me around the house, here and there. Yet it hasn't gone on the wall...yet.
Yes folks, it is August and the sign isn't up there.
We had communion at church last week, a perfect time to get a clean heart. I cried and cried through the service, especially when I heard the words...
Take, eat this, the body of Christ broken for you.
Take, drink this, the blood of Christ shed for you.
And the good news is this... I am forgiven. Through my tears and tears I asked God to help me have a clean heart. I told Him I was so, so sorry for being so stubborn. I told Him I was scared to death about really accepting His will in some of what is going on in my life. I asked Him to change me, as only He can.
I'd be lying to say that I feel completely renewed and that I will no longer struggle with that word and all it means.
What is the truth is that I am turning that struggle over to Him. I can't do it on my own. I am asking for His wisdom and His help in letting Him into every corner of my heart. I can't have a clean heart, a truly renewed heart without Him.
And I am trusting in His love and knowing He'll be with me in the struggle.
And for that I am so, so grateful.
Sending you loves and hugs and prayers!
God Bless!
Love, Linda
3 comments:
Oh Linda, how how how I love your honesty! You wrote this like always in such a gifted way. I also struggle with his will,over my will! But I can tell you this....I am always learning. These last months I have wondered at his will...and what I am to do. I think I am listening and getting there :)
love you lady and loved this post!
I have so often learned that sometimes the words that call to me, are the very ones that I need, but may not always like. They bring lessons and struggle as you've so beautifully written about. I had a friend choose the word "joy," thinking joy would shower over her life. But instead she had many losses that year and had to learn how to find joy again, after enduring some hardship.
I hope you'll come back and share with us when the artwork of your word goes up- praying for you, friend- that renewal washes over you, soon!
Love, love, love to you!
Reading your posts gives me hope...I love you! Myia
Post a Comment