Thursday, August 13, 2009

Near Tears....

Most days I wake up and feel boyant and happy. Today isn't one of those days. I feel near tears and somewhat overwhelmed. Lots of reasons for this.

I vowed I'd be transparent in writing this blog and while I don't get into all the details of my intimate life, I don't want to gloss over the truth.

I have an overwhelming feeling of missing my Mom and wishing I could call her so she could reassure me (oops not near tears now, pretty much sobbing). I just plain miss her and her wisdom.

I wonder how God can be so patient and forgiving of me as I struggle to be the person He intends me to be (blowing my nose now, this isn't pretty). There is so much I don't understand as I see hurt people and know that I have hurt people too.

Recently several dear friends, like Mary Ann Sanger, have died. I miss them. Not easy at all to have them gone.

We got another letter that we are having another 2% cut at the college. That's on top of the 7% cut we have already taken. I'm on a committee to work on the "where will we get it from now?"

I'm tired, just plain tired, of living in a construction zone since last January. The rain has stopped the work on the outside of our house, so construction has again been delayed and the "finish date" extended. As I write this I realize it sounds like whining, and I hate whining, but I'm really disappointed in this delay.

I've been working on cleaning out our house, one drawer at a time. It's not how I want to spend my time, but it is how I need to spend my time. Yuck!! WAY overdue!!

I miss hugging my kids and grandkids. They are growing up so fast. I have seen them recently, but there is never enough time. Someone who is critical could argue with me to stop working or it's a matter of prioritizing choices...yup, I know that, but that's just how I feel right now. Finding that balance isn't easy.

Lots of things are changing. Some of those "things" are relationships that mean alot to me. I know that change is good, but it isn't always easy. I'm trying to be flexible and "go with the flow". Not my strong suit.

I wish I could have a big, big cry like Jenna, say "I'm sorry" and feel better.

I know in my heart of hearts that it's ok to be sad, it's ok to be near tears, it's ok to be where I am. I know I'll be better soon.

I can hear my Dad in the back of my head.."You get five total minutes in your life to whine...."
OK time is up!

God Bless!
Love, Linda


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