God is Good ALL the Time! The Last Six Months....

          "You will lose someone you can't live without and your     
         heart will be broken. The bad news is that you never
         completely get over the loss of your beloved. But this 
         is also the good news. They live forever in your broken
         heart that doesn't seal back up. And you come through.  
         with God's help you come through. It's like having a
         broken leg that never heals perfectly. It still hurts when
         the weather gets cold, but you learn to dance with the
         limp."
                                                                               -Anne Lamott

It was six months ago today that my beloved Bert went home to God. In the aftermath of this HUGE life-change, add the pandemic, add that going to church in person is not okay, and add that I am a  high risk person because of high blood pressure so seeing my "lovies" will not happen in the same way. Yes, lots of heart-breaking in the last six months. Yet, as I sit here this morning, I am filled with gratitude for a Heavenly Father who has carried me through every storm. It's fair to say that it hasn't always been pretty, nor the life-lessons learnings I could hardly wait to learn. But I sit here today filled with so much gratitude for Bert and all the blessings that God has graciously bestowed on me. The last six months have been filled with pain, sorrow, joy, gratitude, hope,
and so many, many important life lessons.

I thought I'd share just a few of those with you this morning and in my upcoming blog entries. My heart and soul are ready to write again after an important hiatus. Here are three important lessons
that I am grateful for:

When you are hit with a loss the size of a hurricane, you are not 
alone. Hang on to Jesus!
This may sound like some kind of religious cliche, but in my hardest life losses I hang on to God and tell Him everything I am feeling. I share it all and I don't wrap it in a neat, little package. I have big, ugly cries. I sit on the swing and tell my Heavenly Father that I am so mad and sad and scared that I feel lost and alone. I know He hears me and I know that He gives me a peace that passes all understanding. I read Jesus Calling every morning and am reminded of the quote....

      "Don't only tell God how big the storm is. Also remember to
                     tell the storm how BIG God is!"

Reach out to others in small and big ways. Let them know you need support and what that support can look like!
This learning hasn't been easy. It has never been easy for me to ask for help from others. I know how busy or burdened they are and I 
don't want to add to that burden. Yet, while I am taking small steps
to do this, every step is a miracle. For example my dear friends who are prayer warriors have surrounded me in prayer. Jackie and I are forever friends and we have both shared our broken hearts and asked each other to pray for us. Knowing someone is praying for me, and those I love, eases my hurting heart. My dear sister-in-Christ Kathy, also known as Bazz, has encouraged me to call her when I am lonely. She lost her husband, Craig, nine years ago so she understands how deep the loss is. On one phone call she said, "Tell me about Bert!" Oh how wonderful it was to share how much I love him. She just sent me the most amazing Christian music that brings me to tears and smiles every time I hear it. It's called "The Blessing" by Elevation Worship. 

I've also taken to reaching out by making "bread runs" in my family and in our neighborhood. When I go to Great Harvest Bakery (yum...) I get several extra loaves for those who have been so helpful to me. Then when I get home I make "bread deliveries." While it's so hard to miss contact with family and friends and church (because of the pandemic), even small conversations with a bread delivery help to heal my soul.

Tell your dearest family members, friends and loved ones how much you love them. Every time you reach out to someone who is really hurting you throw them a life-line!

There are no words to express how much the love of my dear family has meant to me. Amy and her family, Jessi and her family, and Erik and his family, have reached out again and again to listen, comfort and support me. This darn pandemic makes that hard at times, but their phone calls, visits and invitations are a lifeline of JOY for me. My precious Grandchildren, or "grands" as Jackie calls them, always put a smile on my face. A recent 4th of July get together was just what my heart needed! Waking up and having Sihin, Jacob and  Jenna in the kitchen was so fun. Amy and Mason went back and forth to Spokane as did Jessi's family, but watching the grandkids (Emma, Owen, Jacob, Jenna. Parker, Felicity and Sihin) on Roger and Jessi's boat was so joyous for me.  

Soon we had friends and boyfriends and girlfriends there for the 4th and all the fireworks. I felt the most normal I have felt since Bert died. I can't get enough of reminding my dear "lovies" how much I love them.

A recent visit from Erik and Theresa was a life-saver for me. Also, they regularly send me the cutest videos of my precious great
granddaughter Dorthy, and I can watch them and chuckle over and over again!

Phone calls and text messages from Amy and Jessi over the last six months have jump-started my heart so many times. Often it's a question like, "How's today going, Mom?" Often it's a phone call to check in and share what is going on in their lives. Those moments are priceless and a reminder that I am loved and cared for! I also love getting their pictures and videos. They bring such JOY to my life.

That's it for now. It feels good to write again, just as it felt right and good to take a break when my heart needed mending. I know the grieving process will go on forever. Like Ann Lamott, one of my favorite writer says, this kind of grief never goes away. It's like a broken leg that doesn't heal perfectly. You always have a limp, but you learn to dance with it!

Here's to continuing to dance, no matter what!
God Bless you!
Love, Linda