Gratitude and Grieving....

                                          Death ends a life...
                      not a relationship.
                              -Morrie Schwartz, Tuesdays with Morrie

As I sit at my computer this morning, a cup of coffee in hand after taking Daisy for a walk, I feel such a mix of sadness and gratitude.
Both Daisy and I are grieving because on Friday, January 24th at 7:20 pm, my beloved Bert went home to God.

Tears stream down my face as I write these words since the grief and loss is incomprehensible. After being in Bert's life for more than 37 years and married to him this April 7th for 36 years, I can't
imagine my life without him here. Even though I knew this was 
coming, we both did, the hole that is left is about the size of the Grand Canyon.

During the last few months, Bert was clear about how he wanted things to go. He wanted, instead of a memorial service, to have a "life celebration party" that he was a part of. After reading the book Tuesdays with Morrie, and seeing the movie starring Jack Lemon, Bert was struck by Morrie' decision to have a "living funeral." Morrie wanted to kiss and hold his loved ones and friends and hear the kind things they had to say about him. A proper "goodbye" if you will.

Bert loved that idea so on September 14th, two days after his birthday, we gathered with food, flowers and balloons to celebrate the love of my life. We shared old stories, our Pastor was there and talked about the HUGE gift Bert was to everyone he met, and how he had done pro-bono marriage counseling for 2/3rds of our congregation. Pastor talked about Bert being an usher, in the choir,
and giving of himself constantly to others. Sister Elisha sang Bert's favorite gospel song "You're All I Need." Bert was surrounded by family and friends and I knew God was smiling. What a good, unselfish and faithful servant Bert was.

Bert also wanted to be at home when he died, no more hospitals, and no hospital bed. He wanted to be surrounded by people who loved him. On January 24th he was at home, surrounded by family
who has been keeping watch over him the three previous days.

My dearly beloved wanted me by his side when he went home to God. I was exhausted Friday late afternoon so I went to take a nap
next to Bert and Daisy our special pooch came with me. I had my arms around Bert and my head next to his as I fell asleep. Several hours later, Daisy woke me up frantically, I turned to Bert and told him how much I loved him and held him as he took his last two breaths and went home to God.

This past week has been a blur as I try to come to grips with a monumental change, a change that rocks every part of my life.
Yesterday morning I went and got the box of the love letters Bert had sent me when we were dating. Just reading them reminded me
of how deep and wide and full Bert's love for me was. He was the love of my life, my soul mate and my very best friend.

I am holding on to God and my family as the reality sets in. I am comforted in knowing that God has got Bert, whole and healed, and that my beloved is no longer hurting and in pain. I am also comforted because I know God loves me and is holding me up.

I will miss him forever.
God Bless!
Love, Linda