Sunday, May 09, 2010


Today is Mother's Day and like so many Mother's Days in the past few years, I woke up really teary. At once I feel so blessed that I can hardly breathe, and at the same time I feel so sad that my tears don't seem to stop flowing. The phrase, "You don't know what you had until it's gone"
resonates through my mind. It's Mother's Day, and my Mom isn't here to celebrate it with her.

Let me talk about "feeling blessed" first. Dolores McColm was an AMAZING Mom to me. Everything I know about being a good Mom I learned from her. I have endless stories...truly endless stories...of how she was constantly there for me. In a collage of my life, she is the glue that held everything together. I never once felt that she didn't love me. Not once.  

That "so sad my tears don't stop flowing" part has to do with her death and the gut-wretching, profound loss that it has been in my life. I miss everything about her, even the things that used to irritate me. I miss her phone calls, her advice, her wise counsel, her news clippings she sent me. I miss someone having my back as only my Mom did. I miss talking to her about the girls.
I miss her cooking and how pretty she looked when she was dressed up. I miss the chance to tell her that I love her.

The last few years of my Mom's life she was really ill. She was dying from smoking and on oxygen 100% of the time. She wouldn't move to Spokane, so every other weekend for two and a half years I went to Seattle to have time with her and coordinate her health care. The roles were reversed. Finally, I had a chance to give back. Some people talked about how that must have been such a huge sacrifice on my part. All I could say was that I could NEVER, EVER repay her for all she had done for me. NEVER. EVER.

My Mom wasn't perfect. No Mom is. It's easy to see Moms as too bossy or too involved. Why is she always so pushy or trying to tell you what to do? It's easy to see what's wrong about your Mom and forget the sacrifices she made to get you where you are. It's easy to forget all the driving she did to get you to activities and all the thousands of meals she made that you ate without thinking. It's easy to see her imperfections and forget the nights she was up checking your temperature when you were ill or held you while you cried because some boy broke your heart. 

You can only begin to get her sacrifices and deep and abiding love...once you become a Mom yourself. And then we are often so busy we aren't really all that grateful for the legacy our Moms left us.

But if you were or are blessed to have a "good enough Mom", there's one thing I know for sure.
You will get what she did, and who she really is to you, once she is gone. You will miss her with every cell in your body and like me this morning, you would give anything to call her and wish her a "Happy Mother's Day!"

So here's to you Mom! I will love you forever, I will like you for always and as long as I'm living your baby I'll be! (from the book "I'll love you forever")

God Bless!
Love Linda 


Tiffany said...

The fact that you even miss the things your mom did that irritated you is a really great reminder! Thank you!

I hope you had a fantastic mother's day! I think your mother would be proud of the mother you are! :)

Kim said...

Linda, a heart felt post. It is such a good reminder to share with those we love including our moms! Hope you had a nice Mother's Day. I appreciate all that you do for your girls!

jessithompson said...

I love you so much, mom. XOXO

Our Family said...

I know the bond that you had with your mom was so meaningful for you. That's the bond that I have with you! I love you!

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