Saturday, February 26, 2011

"When I'm 64!..."

I am settling into being 64...the sound of saying it, the rhythm of knowing it, the sense of being it.

64 is not like being 60, it is being in your mid-60s. It is a chance for more wisdom, an opportunity for more growth. It feels like I am looking at life through new eyes.

As the song says, and the Bible reflects:
To everything
Turn, Turn, Turn
There is a season
Turn, Turn, Turn
And a time for every purpose under Heaven

Pure and simple, I am in a new season in my life.

There are inklings of a past season long ago. For some reason I am hearing from lots of former students, even as far back as 1971. Each of their messages warm my heart and remind me of the investment of time and love I have put into teaching. 

It is still like that. 

Teaching calls something from my soul. I am, perhaps, my most authentic self while in a classroom. I have felt "called" by God to be there. Those are sacred moments.

And there are moments in this new season of disbelief. Disbelief in how short this life really is.

I can hear, in my mind's eye, my Mom talking about the "losing season". That's the season when the reality of how short life is sets in. I am acutely aware at every turn that we are all "terminal" and that we need to "get our lives in order." While I am truthfully overwhelmed at the number of memorial services Bert and I are attending these days, and how many mournful calls we have had when someone's most precious life-partner dies,  it is also a season of deep connectedness. As we hold each other up in times of loss, we open our hearts fully to who someone is to us.

And it is a season of prioritizing what matters.

For much of my life I have lived in fear of letting someone down.
I have anguished if someone was unhappy with me and how I chose to spend my time.
No more.
If there are people who are keeping lists of how I should have done more, or I should have made different choices...
Well, I just feel sorry for them.
My choices about how, where, and with whom I spend my time are just that, my choices.
I am resolved and at last at peace with the fact that...

I can't be everything to everybody. And I no longer want to feel pulled to do things in the fear that I will disappoint someone. 

I want to be true to my God-directed choices.
And I know they will not all be popular.

This season is also a season of deep contentment and new beginnings.
Children to be born. Children to come from Africa.
It is a season of  slow cooking and experimenting with new seasonings and
discovering and savoring the smells and sensations of healthy home cooking.

It is a season for crafting and sewing memories...designing quilts, making burp cloths
Anticipating the season of birth and new miracles to love.

This season of 64 is full of possibilities.

Most of all, I want each moment to reflect my love of my Lord.

I want to rest on Him in every trial.
I want to wait in anticipation of His precious hand on my life.
I want to see how He answers the prayers I whisper as I go to sleep.
I want to let Him rescue me from fear, heartache, and despair.

I remember when the Beatles first sang the song..."When I'm 64!"
I had no idea then how blessed my life would be now !

And may God hold you in the palm of His hand...
and give you peace!

God Bless!
Love, Linda



 

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