"Well no one may read it."
Then I am reminded that I don't write this so others may read it.
Writing this is a way to sort out who I am...now.
Writing this is a way to look at where I am, where I am headed (off track again?)
I write this to have a tangible reminder of thoughts, events and priorities.
It's a time out to get back in touch with myself.
It's RE-CONNECTING that re-directs and re-energizes me.
This morning, as I stepped outside, I felt fall in the air. It seems like only yesterday that there wasn't a leaf on a single tree, and I was hoping that there would be a spring.
Now... the weeks are ticking off until school starts...again.
This summer has been different, and yet it has been profound. Babies born, a significant knee injury, a reconnection with myself and my sweet hubby, and finding serenity in getting the simplest of tasks completed. Who ever thought that exterminating carpenter ants could give such pleasure.
Yet they are symbolic.
Something is in your face, eating away at your home (or life), and will I ignore the obvious or take action? We took action.
This summer has been all about the little things.
When a teacher friend asks, "How was your summer? What did you do?", in the hope of hearing something fun, exciting, earth-shaking, or glamorous, I can honestly say...
"I cleaned out my car",
"I got rid of carpenter ants",
"I held Owen",
"I cried with Tim and held his hand after he broke his neck",
"I got a new John Elway knee brace",
"I helped at Amy's garage sale to help bring Sihin home",
"I sat in the sun and let the warmth permeate my face",
"I played poker at the lake with Ryan and Jacob",
"I went school shopping with Jessi and Emma",
"I went to an antique fair with Bert",
"I sat at the ocean with Sharon",
"I prayed and prayed and prayed for God's peace and guidance"...
the list goes on and on.
Slow down things.
Gratefulness of heart things.
Glad I am alive to do these things.
No one knows how many summers they have left. No one.
Some freak bike or car accident can end it all.
Suddenly being able to walk or turn your head is something sacred to appreciate.
And for the first time, really the first time, I am looking at when I will retire from teaching.
It won't be long.
It is on the horizon and I can see it coming.
So this morning, with fall in the air, my cup of coffee in hand, and the fireplace on...
I give gratitude for ALL things big and small.
ALL prayers answered in ways I couldn't predict.
I turn over my worries, my doubts, my hurts over to a God who is so BIG, so STEADY, so RELIABLE, so GREAT, so EVER-PRESENT...
and I am content to know He can handle it all.
I am blessed to be alive to see a new day and THAT puts a smile on my face.