Hope begins in the dark...
stubborn hope that if you
just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.
You wait and watch and work:
you don't give up.
There's a knot in the back of my neck and shoulders,
right where I cannot reach it. It has been tightening all week long. I can feel it as I try to stretch in a way that will release it and get some relief.
Ah...relief. I just love the sound of that word.
Especially this week.
It's dark here in Spokane at this early morning hour.
I am so grateful it is Saturday and I can take a moment to breathe and let hope, again, find its way into my heart.
I'm glad that Anne Lamott, bless her quirky and brilliant soul, believes that...
"Hope begins in the dark."
That saying, and repeating it what feels like ten times an hour, is what allowed me to do this week with some grace.
Not a lot of grace mind you, just a little grace.
Some weeks are just plain hard. Some weeks my faith and hope and belief are put to the test. Some weeks leave me wondering, leave me asking questions into the darkened Spokane sky...
*Why in the world did it take ten hours to deal with a very difficult
situation with a student, make a plan, agree to it, and then they didn't show
up the next day? Why?
*Why in the world did I plan for a very tough meeting for the last two
months to have it cancelled the day of the meeting with an excuse that
*Why in the world did a beloved group of students I work with not know
that what they did hurt my feelings? Do they not know me at all?
By Friday late afternoon the questions had mounted,
the knot in my neck had tightened, and I longed
for a more simple life where everything just goes...
well, just how I would like it to go.
And I was irritated at myself that even with prayer
and breathing, I just couldn't seem to shake what felt like a cross between worry, sadness and irritation. I had let truly little things get under my skin. I know better, intellectually. Yet sometimes my emotions get the better of me.
And then the rest of Anne's saying became more clear...
Hope begins in the dark, the stubborn hope that if you just show up and try to do the right thing, the dawn will come.
My hope all week had truly been "stubborn hope."
The kind of hope you cling to when you have tied
a knot at the end of your rope and are hanging on with one hand.
And the guilt that went with that hope? Look at the burdens some others are dealing with right now. Look at how little these exasperations of yours really are. "Get a grip, Linda. Get some perspective!"
And then the last lines of Anne's marvelous saying...
"You wait and watch and work: you don't give up."
So this morning as I drink my coffee and say my prayers, I am clinging to stubborn hope...
the kind that begins in the dark.
I am showing up with all of the faith and love and grace I can muster.
I am trying to do the right thing, even when it isn't easy and
I am waiting for the dawn to come.
And with that dawn I am trusting and anticipating I will know a new sense of hope and encouragement and wisdom about what matters, really matters.
I will wait and watch and pray and work, and I won't give up!
Sending you some HOPE this morning along with
a heaping of love and prayers.
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