Wednesday, October 28, 2015

Doing the Impossible...

       For nothing is impossible with God.
                                            Luke 1:37

Let me start off by saying that I am in no way a Biblical scholar. However, I am someone who is constantly stunned, and I mean stunned, by how I can read something in the Bible and it reminds me of God's power, God's greatest truths. His word
can come into my family room early in the morning, when things seem the darkest, and shed a ray of light so bright that I am left smiling and crying simultaneously.

I am reminded of life-giving and life-saving truths. Knock your socks off truths. Bring me to my knees truths.

Reading Luke 1:37 this morning brought me to my knees.
It reminded me of God's power and His love. And I am so grateful to remember this. Especially in this moment.

I vowed when I started this blog to share my truth, my story.
To quote Brene Brown, "sharing your story is the most courageous thing you will ever do." I agree with her, but that doesn't mean it is easy.

I am writing this blog as a way to process my own life learnings and to help those nearest and dearest to me know who I am and who I was, when it is all said and done and God calls me home.

Yet telling the "truth," the whole truth and nothing but the truth, is a bit daunting. That's where God comes into the picture, at least for me.

God already knows my truth, He lives my truth with me.
He holds me in times of the hardest and darkest truths.
You see, at least in my life, my faith becomes more real and more vital when the rubber hits the road in my life.

And my faith is vital now, right this very minute as I navigate each twist and turn and moment of optimism and moment of deep grief.

Let me step back and explain.

I don't know why, but I just didn't imagine that where we are today is where we would be. One minute we were navigating life and were grateful every minute, wanting to serve God and love others, and the next minute Bert had a stroke.

A life-changing moment to be sure. And then just as we began to make progress, and he was starting to feel a bit like himself, last Friday he got a very serious infection.

Bert had been out gardening, picked up some dead branches and got a thorn stuck in his thumb. He took out the thorn, put Neosporin on it and a band aid, and went about his day. He had been getting more exercise and feeling stronger. No big deal, right? Wrong.

Friday morning his thumb was swollen to twice its size and redness, from infection, was headed up his arm. Given his recent health situation, this was cause for huge concern.

So off to the Urgent Care we went, he got a shot of antibiotics,
prescribed some HUGE antibiotic pills, thumb baths, and other new meds. The doctor on call said Bert was one inch away from going into the hospital. Yikes. Very, very scary.

By the time last week was over, I was a bit of a mess. Okay, a little more than a little of a mess. I have had my heart in my
throat for weeks since Bert's stroke, watching every bite of food he has eaten and constantly being on high alert. I was and am exhausted, weary to the core. I am having a hard time sleeping. I am a light sleeper anyway and any time Bert groans or moves or his breathing changes...I am wide awake.

I have been praying non-stop for his health and trying to do it all. Normally, when things get this tough and I am this scared, I talk to Bert. He is the love of my life and my best friend. Plus, he is a counselor and a wisdom sharer.

Yet I know I can't talk to Bert about all of this. He would feel so horrible to know the stress it is placing on me. He would worry that I am getting sick.

So I have talked to God and my family and my friends.

I talk to God all the time anyway, yet I have talked to Him even more during these tough times. Tough times because I don't know how this story will end. Tough times because all I can do
is be the best helper and care taker I can be.

And I have shared everything, every feeling and fear with the Lord God Almighty. And some of those feelings aren't very pretty. I have shared feeling mad. I have shared feeling sad. I have shared feeling so scared I can't breathe. I have shared my irritation that certain people I had expected to come and help have seemed to disappear, probably in fear of how hard this is.
I have asked God to help me forgive them and support them, even if they can't be here in this.

I have shared my great delight at those unexpected people who have shown up and helped to ease this journey for Bert and for me. I have shared my deep gratitude for those caring and loyal family and friends who will be here for it all, no matter what, no matter how hard this gets. That's who they are. I can count on them. We can count on them. They are the light in the darkness, just as God's love is a light in the darkest moments.

I have shared it all, knowing God can handle every emotion I have and every feeling I feel.

After all, He made me this way. He gave me a huge heart and wide range of emotions that I am not afraid to share, even though it is not always easy for others to hear my feelings (she says with a smile :))

And I rest in this...what I know for sure is that God can do the impossible and that with Him all things are possible. 

Miracles are possible. Yet I also know that tough things happen to great people and sometimes things don't go the way we want them to, the way we desperately need them to.

Yet He is there. Through it all. He gives us hope in the storms.
When all hope seems lost, He is a hope-giver. No matter how this chapter in our lives ends up, He is there in the midst of the great and the midst of the hard.

And even though I don't know how He will do it, He will equip me for this part of the journey. This unexpected chapter of Bert being ill, the Lord God Almighty is there in it all. I am trusting God to do the impossible because with Him it is all possible.
He can give me the strength I don't have on my own. He can
help me to rest in Him and get the sleep I need.

So today I am leaning in to His strength, His hope and His love.

I am holding His hand as my beloved and I navigate this latest
part of the story. No infection is too big for God. No illness is too big for God. No circumstance, no matter how hard, is impossible for Him.

And He is there for you, no matter where you are today!

And knowing that gives me a blessed peace beyond all understanding.
Amen and Amen!

God Bless!
Love, Linda


On a Wing and a Prayer said...

aaah once again, as you share...I understand and feel my life as well. linda, rest and sleep. Know that your Bert is safe... yes, there is a big boulder in the path...but he is safe. allow your self the rest you be that care giver, for him...but also take care of yourself.. Your words, your wisdom, your love for Bert. I cant put into words what they do to me. Just know, your writings touch lives, your reality touches lives. You beautiful Lady, touches lives! love you sweet soul sister :)

On a Wing and a Prayer said...

p.s, yes it is peggy :)

Vicky said...

How scary! Oh my- you've been on my mind and I can see why- you needed those extra prayers. I am so glad you have left it with HIM. I too, rely on my dear hubby for so much, and yet, truly? I have to go to the one who really can "take it" and I feel such relief when I pour it all out. Please know how much I have been thinking of you and Bert and will continue to cover you in prayers! Thankful you come here, too, and share your insights with all of us- its all so encouraging. Much love to you~

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