"Worry isn't prayer!"
I remember sitting next to my dear friend, Roberta, at church. We had both been struggling with certain family issues and concerns, and we trusted each other to share the truth in our lives. She looked at me and said how each week she gave the same problem to God and then, in an instant, took it back again and tried to solve it herself.
When she described that process, I held my breath and realized that I had been nodding my head in agreement as she spoke.
That was exactly what I did too.
I gave God my heartaches and then, because I am a fixer and doer and go-getter in my life, I picked them right back up again, thought and worried about them endlessly, and tried to find solutions that would resolve all of the conflicts.
It was and is an on-going process that leaves me weary and exhausted. I imagine that God smiles when I take everything back and perhaps even shakes His holy head at my good- intentioned ignorance.
Have I forgotten, again, that He is the great solver?
Have I forgotten, again, that He is the King of Kings?
Have I forgotten, again, that He is the creator of Heaven and Earth?
Have I forgotten, again, that He holds my story and future in the palm of His mighty hand?
After all, I say I trust Him. I say my HOPE is in Him and yet...
I have to remind myself, sometimes hour-by- hour, that He has got this...whatever this is.
I talk to God almost all day long. Many of the conversations are internal and others are out loud, just as I talk to my dear friends here on earth. I am working on listening to God and being still so I can hear His voice more clearly.
Being still is not something I am very skilled at.
Instead of being still and trusting God to be God, my mind often whirls with worry. I play and replay scenarios. If I just did this...? If I just did that...? What if I...?
Worry. worry, worry. Yet as my daughter Amy says, "Mom,
worry isn't prayer." Worry is about trying to find human solutions I am in charge of. Prayer is about asking God to guide me in each challenge I face.
Worry is about trusting me. Prayer is about testing Him.
In my early morning prayer time each day, I turn to the book Jesus Calling. There are messages for each day and they are from scripture, yet worded as if God was speaking just to me.
Most days the message is so profound that it stops me in my tracks. Today, February 1st, is no exception.
Here's a bit of what Jesus Calling has for me today...
Follow me one step at a time. That is all I request of you.
In fact that is the only way to move through this world.
You see huge mountains looming, and you start wondering
how you are going to scale those heights....If I do
lead you up the cliffs, I will equip you thoroughly for that
strenuous climb. I will even give my angels charge over
you, to preserve you in all of your ways.
What that means to me is that God is right here, right now, next to me. He asks me to follow Him by taking baby step after baby step. No matter how large those mountains are that loom in my life, and trust me today's mountains leave a huge lump in my throat, He does not ask me to worry and sweat the outcome of it all. Instead He asks me to follow Him, one step at a time.
I do not need to try to be the fixer. The real fixer is holding my hand all day long, no matter what happens in today's journey.
That is my hope and my peace. He does have this, no matter how big this is.
"We are all just walking each other home." ...