The Last Gifts- "Holding Watch" for a Dying Friend

Note 2/12: Dennis Keen died peacefully on Monday, February 7th, surrounded by loved ones. His memorial service was held on Thursday, February 10th, where hundreds of friends, family, colleagues, and students remembered this man of faith and integrity. I will miss him forever.

My heart is broken. I am losing my dear friend Dennis Keen to cancer. I have been his friend for 23 years.

Every morning I saw him at school as he was one of the "early birds". I have watched him battle this horrible disease with courage, stamina, resilience and GUTS! I am, beyond, what any words could ever describe, proud of him. He has been a warrior against this disease. He did chemo every week for close to 2 1/2 years.

And I am learning some powerful life lessons.

I am choosing, as my dear Mom called it, to "hold watch" for my friend.

I am not ignoring this part of his life because it is SO hard to watch him deteriorate.
I am holding his hand and kissing his bald head and telling him how much he matters to me (and to so many others).
I am making meals, baskets, cards and being "present" in this part of his journey.

And it isn't easy.

I am NOT pretending that this will have a pretty outcome here on earth. It won't.

Most of all I am so cognizant of what it means to have such a dear friend leave your life.
I am "holding watch" with other friends of his...crying, hugging, whispering his name to God as he inch-by-inch goes Home.

I have loved having the chance to reminisce with Dennis, laugh, and share stories.

One of the fun moments in this part of the journey with Dennis came after I had visited him at the hospital and realized he was in too much pain to sit up. I wanted him to remember, as he looked to the ceiling of his bedroom at home, how dearly loved he was.

So I decided to create a "quilt-like" ceiling card (to go on the ceiling over his bed). His friends at school could take a square of colored card stock and write him a message of hope and love. I used my scrap booking supplies to make repeat cards, cards that would have a theme and tie the quilt together. I used powerful tape to hold all of the squares together on the back side.

The card started on a table in the faculty lounge in Old Main. I left extra squares and a pen so others could share their love for Dennis and his wife Virginia, who also works at SCC.

The card grew and grew.

AND GREW!

As expected, some of the messages came from his inner circle of friends at SCC.

Other unexpected messages came from maintenance people who had heard that Dennis Keen, who always spoke to them and showed gratitude to them, was terminally ill.

When I delivered the card it was five feet tall and 14 feet long!


Message after message celebrated the large and small kindnesses that Dennis did every day!

Today I am headed to see Dennis and deliver a meal. I don't know how many visits I'll have left with him
Each one is a reminder that life is fragile and such a GIFT!
Each visit reminds me to live every day as if it was my last.
Each visit is a reminder to tell those I love that I love them.

Yes, I am "Holding Watch" for my dear friend and while it is hard, it is a great honor to be there.

God Bless!
Love Linda

A NEW YEAR and NEW HEALTH!

Carrots on my blog? Healthy vegetables in the background?

What in the world is going on with me?

The lessons pour in, cascade in, and stare me in the face. One of the greatest gifts God can give us is a healthy body. The question is simple:

DO I TAKE CARE OF THAT BODY?

Anyone who knows me knows that I have, for my whole life, struggled with taking time for me, taking the time for healthy nutrition, and getting in enough exercise (although I still do a brisk walk for the first 20 minutes I am at SCC every morning).

NOT ANY MORE!! Sloppy nutrition and sloppy health habits stop here and stop NOW!

Last quarter I battled a bug for weeks and weeks, I had three round of antibiotics, and my doctor, husband, family members, students, and friend Sharon all gave me some tough love....it's time to say "No" to some things and "YES!" to my own health.

These are smart people. They love me.

I would be a F.O.O.L not to pay attention!

As I watch dear friends battle for their lives with cancer, and saw Dennis in the hospital this past week, I am reminded that the Lord also has some tough love for me on this issue. This is a precious body, His gift to me, and I have not been doing a good
job taking care of it. I may have some A grades in some other areas of my life, but I have a D- in this area. Shame on me!

SO...things have been a changin' at the Salisbury home!

**During December and January we have been keeping our crock pot out on the counter, it's aroma filling our home. We are experimenting with lots of healthy soup receipes! Our latest is a lemon-chicken soup with oregano and tarrigon.

**I am on a RIGOROUS, daily vitamin regiment. No excuses! Take those horse pills (all 8 of them), no complaining allowed. Thanks Boppa for helping me with this!

**Get more sleep. Yesterday I went back to bed and got another 2 hours of shut eye!

**Let go of old hurts. I know that what I hold on to impacts my health. It's time for a fresh start with some folks.

**Have more seafood in our diet. Last night I fixed a poached salmon and lemon dish that was out of this world! Today we'll also add some fresh cracked crab to that menu.

**Focus on having a healthy breakfast! I am eating oatmeal and a 1/2 banana every morning during the school week. Yesterday morning, for Bert and for me, I made a veggie fritata with organic eggs and vegetables.

**Try new receipes and have FUN with cooking! I do have fun cooking during the summer, but truth be told I have tried to skate by most of the rest of the year!

**I am reading books about nutrition, watching the food network, watching Dr. Oz, and making it a priority to...

change my thinking about nutrition!

For some folks, this may seem small and not a big deal. But let me tell you...

IT IS A BIG DEAL TO ME!

I would appreciate your prayers and any encouragement you can give me! Sharon, thanks for the care package you sent, all about self-care! It was right on target!

Yup, it's time to move toward a more healthy life style. After all...
next month I'll be 64! I want to make it to 74... and beyond!

God Bless!
Love Linda

A New Way To Celebrate The New Year! Start With Two Pages of Paper...

Many people ring in the New Year with a fun party and a list of New Year's Resolutions. That list encompasses their goals for the year to come. While I love to set goals in every area of my life, and I always appreciate the "new beginning" a new year ushers in, every New Year's Day I do something just a little bit different. I thought I'd share this idea this morning, one I learned from a speaker on the Power of Prayer at the Cannon Beach Christian Conference Center. Here's a new way to usher out your "old year" and bring in the "new". This is also especially great to try with your children as it really helps them to focus on the power of prayer and being grateful for God's blessings.

So here's the exercise:

On the first day of every new year I get out two pieces of paper, some colored pencils and markers, and some stickers.

On one page I write the words:

"Thank You!" Page

On the second page I write the words:

Prayer Requests for the New Year

On the first page I thank God for all of the blessings He has given me during the last year. I even go back to my prayer requests from the previous year and look at what He has done and thank Him for all of the blessings.

When I look at my prayer requests as 2010 started I am AMAZED at how God came through, how the yearnings of my heart were answered, how He knew what I needed, even when I didn't. I've always thought that prayer was powerful. I pray every morning and keep a list of people to pray for and the specific needs that they have.
I also include my own specific requests. For example, one of my specific prayer requests every morning in 2010 was that Amy would get relief from the horrible pain she suffered as a result of a car accident. I asked God to bring a specific doctor, Dr. Weigle, to help Amy. I wrote this down on January 1, 2010. And low and behold, God is answering that prayer.

At the start of 2010, I asked God for healing in specific relationships (the details are personal) where all seemed lost and hopeless. God's healing in these realtionships has been nothing short of a miracle.

So, this morning on my "Thank You!" Page I have been writing down all the things I want to thank God for...all of the blessings bestowed on me, His daughter. I am thanking Him for my job, for my friendships, for help with struggles and relief from worry, for changes at work, for a new attitude, for optimism about an illness, for a new and closer relationship with HIm.

On the second page, I write down my new Prayer Requests for 2011. God promises me in Psalms that He is an "ever present help in trouble". He also promises me that He will know the cry of my heart and what I really yearn for.

Once again I am writing down prayer requests for myself and others...anticipating that in God's perfect timing I will once again see how He answers these prayers too.

I keep these pages from year to year so I can go back and look and see how God is moving in my life and the lives of those I love, care about, and am praying for! When I look at the list from 2009, I am amazed at His grace. As I write the list for 2011, I anticipate how He will answer these prayers too. I hold to the quote that if I have faith, even as small as a mustard seed, nothing shall be impossible.

And that, for me, is a GREAT way to usher in 2011!!
Want to give this a try? It's a meaningful way to grow your faith and see the power of prayer!

God Bless!
Love, Linda

Special Christmas Moments and a New Year's Wish for 2011!

This Christmas vacation has been full of wonderful times of family fun, Christmas celebrations and remembering the birth of baby Jesus! Here are a few of those special "memory moments":

It was such a JOY this year to decorate our home inside and out! We made lots of Christmas memories by planting the bulbs for paper whites, making crock pot meals together and relishing those delicious, home-cooked smells that permeated the air. Once again, drawing and making my own Christmas cards was a treat. Lots of satisfaction in these simple Christmas moments!

We celebrated Christmas with the Farrell clan on Christmas eve at our home. We had a wonderful meal, talked lots, laughed often and opened presents. The best present was just being together! It is beyond wonderful to have time to connect with all of them. They all hold such special places in our hearts. 2011 will be a great year for their family as they bring their daughter Sehin home to Spokane from Eithiopia. We can hardly wait to meet her!

We loved sharing Christmas this year with the special Thompson family at Clinkerdagger's restaurant, a Christmas treasure all decorated with trees and sparkling lights! We all had a great time eating a delicious meal, opening presents, and creating new Christmas memories. We were overjoyed to learn on Christmas morning that their baby, due in May, is a BOY! What a special gift it is to await the birth of this miracle!

This Christmas break has also been a great time for Bert and for me to have some re-connection time after a super busy fall quarter of teaching and counseling. We've loved just hanging out, going to church, and having some leisurely time to look at all of the snow that blankets Spokane right now. Talks about our goals for 2011 have also been a priority.

We hope that you and your precious families have also had a chance to kick back and have quality time together, making some special Christmas moments! Also, as 2011 approaches, may you know God's abundant LOVE for you as He is the real "reason for the season!" May 2011 be filled with joy, peace, fun, and His love and grace!

God Bless and Happy New Year!
Love Linda

These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things...

Since I was a little girl, I have always loved celebrations! Any celebration really. I love the first day of school and the last day of school. I love Valentines Day and Thanksgiving. I love birthdays, Veteran's Day, and the 4th of July. But most of all...I LOVE Christmas!

It isn't the rush to get consumers to buy, commercial-kind-of-moments that I love. It's the snuggle into a warm blanket and sip hot chocolate by the fire moments that I crave. It's the listening to Amy Grant's Christmas CD where she sings "Come Let Us Adore Him" with a new twist that leaves goose bumps-on-my-arm moments that stop me in my tracks. It's hearing the Bethel Choir belt out "God Rest Ye' Merry Gentlemen" with a gospel, praise-to-God intensity that is the real spirit of Christmas for me. It's going to the Tree of Sharing, getting the tags for a three year old girl and boy, and searching the stores for an African American baby doll that this sweet little girly can snuggle. It's finding a monster car and truck that will light up the eyes of that three year old little boy. I LOVE all these parts of Christmas.

Yet as much as hot chocolate, presents under the tree, Amy Grant singing, beautifully wrapped presents, snowy mornings, time with family, and dollies and trucks are a few of my favorite things... what I know for sure is that Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without my Jesus.

It's really, for me, all about the babe in the manager.

It's all about the gift of His child. It's all about a love SO great that it leaves me speechless.

Now please don't misunderstand...

It's not that I don't love searching for the perfect, jaw-dropping present for someone I love. I do love doing that.

And I find a huge satisfaction this year in turning our landscape into a winter wonderland of bright sparkling lights.

And I do love watching my precious grandchildren as they stare at the ornaments on the tree in such wonder.

And I do love bringing bird seed ornaments out into our trees so our little feathered friends can have a Christmas treat as well.

And I am adoring all of those moments where life-as-it-usually-is just

...stops.

But none of that is worth a hill of beans for me without Jesus.

I am particularly struck this morning by His gift of total forgiveness and amazing grace. When I don't feel forgiven elsewhere, when I feel so sad or perhaps even unloveable...He comes beside me with a gentle hand. His message is always the same. You are my daughter. I love you completely...no matter what. And He means the no matter what.

In life's twists and turns, ups and downs, He is always the same. He is the constant. He is there.

He is that baby in the manger, God's son, redeemer, forgiver, savior. And boy do I need saving.

His amazing grace saves me.

So as Christmas approaches, I will ooooh and aaaahhh over the delectable goodies at our feasts. I'll sprinkle nutmeg on my egg nog, knowing that egg nog will soon be off the shelves in the stores. I'll find just the right decoration for a package and get my fill of gorgeous Christmas music. I'll love this time of celebrating life, love, and a marvelous season of joy.

And I'll take peaceful moments to remember that the lasting "Joy To the World" is that "the Lord is Come".

I'll remember that it's really time to...

Let earth (and that includes me) receive her King. Let every heart (and my heart), prepare Him room. Let Heaven and nature sing. Let Heaven and nature sing. Let heaven and heaven and nature sing."

...and I am singing for my King!

God Bless and have a wonderful Christmas!

Love Linda

PS. The little seven year old girl, Rhema Marvanne, who sings Amazing Grace (my favorite song) in the clip at the start of this post, lost her Mommy to cancer in 2008, when she was just five. Both Rhema and her Mommy love Jesus!

A Different Kind Of Thanksgiving!

Thanksgiving is one of my favorite holidays. It's a time to gather my thoughts and focus on what I'm grateful for. Yet this year there was a sense of unease in my heart. The wants and needs of those at SCC loomed over the campus. So many of our students couldn't afford to serve a Thanksgiving dinner to their families. Not only that, so many people in Spokane were homeless and struggling to have a Thanksgiving meal. Most days I knew all of this at a logical level. Yet somehow my heart couldn't rest this Thanksgiving knowing how blessed I was and the contrast in my life and theirs.

One club at SCC decided to help our students and have a Thanksgiving Canned Food Drive. They chose to make it a campus contest. That started the ball rolling. I set up my own contest in my four classes. We brought in four huge yellow plastic bins, and I challenged my four classes to compete against each other to see who could bring in the most food.

There were several conditions in the contest:

1) The class that brought in the most cans would get a party, and

2) I would personally match the total number of cans that the four classes brought.

Now mind you, lots of schools have canned food drives. What was different here was that many of my students are scraping to get by and bringing any cans would be a personal sacrifice. Many of these amazing folks needed food themselves.

We talked every day about gratitude, about what being a servant leader is about. We talked about helping the poorest of the poor, the homeless here in Spokane. After all, half of what we gathered would go to the SCC Food Bank, and the other half would go to the House of Charity in downtown Spokane. This is one of the places where Spokane's homeless would spend Thanksgiving. We talked about what goes around comes around and that giving to others who are less fortunate fills up your own heart.

Have I said lately that I have the most amazing students? Have I told you that they are generous and giving beyond belief? I have tears streaming down my face as I write this because I could NEVER, EVER have imagined the depths to which they would go to help others.

Several students emptied their own cupboards. Several students did extra jobs at school to earn money to buy cans. The huge yellow bins filled again and again and again. Our final total was 876 cans for the food drive.

Yet that was only part of the fun!

We decided to participate in making Thanksgiving dinner at the House of Charity. We were going to cook turkeys, bring down those cans, and help other SCC students make, serve and eat Thanksgiving dinner with those who are homeless.

Our first House of Charity run began at 4:30 am last Tuesday, November 23rd. Yes, you read that correctly, that was the day of Spokane's first snow "blizzard". At 4:30 in the morning we were gathering at the House of Charity, carrying our cooked turkeys through the snow in the toughest part of town. Our job was to peel potatoes, make green bean casseroles, and other traditional Thanksgiving dishes. Our meals would be serving hundreds of Spokane's poorest of the poor.

When I arrived at 4:30, the 4:00 crew was hustling and bustling. The meal would be served at noon and there was LOTS of work to be done. There were so many familiar faces, students I have in class, smiling, drinking coffee, and peeling potatoes so others could have a Thanksgiving meal. I will never in my life forget that sight. I had a blast working in the kitchen where we took the meat off of 27 home-cooked turkeys, putting light meat and dark meat in pans to be served to our new homeless friends. You should have seen the faces of two men who slept in a car outside of the House of Charity (all the beds were taken) when a group of chattering college students walked at 4:30 am on their way to the House of Charity kitchen.

And as if that wasn't enough, on Thursday, November 25th, Thanksgiving day, we did it all over again. Round two. More turkeys, more potatoes, and more amazing students. One of my absolutely favorite SCC students was at both events and even cooked his first turkey. He had been homeless himself a few years back and wanted to "pay it forward!"

So as I sit by the fire this Saturday morning , sipping my coffee and watching the snow fall, I have been thinking back on the last few weeks that have been filled with cans, contests, turkeys, students, and giving from the heart.

Was it a traditional Thanksgiving? No.

Was it one of the best Thanksgivings I can remember? Yes, it was.

Am I more than ever aware of all of my blessings? You bet I am!

It was a different kind of Thanksgiving this year, and it is one I will cherish and remember for the rest of my life.

God Bless!

Love Linda

SAVORING EVERY MOMENT!

One of my students asked me a thought provoking question this week. She said, "How do you fit it all in? You seem so busy and your life is so full. Why are you still smiling when there is so much on your plate to do?"

My answer was short and simple. "As I get older," I said with a twinkle in my eye, "There are many more days behind me than in front of me. I know each day is precious. I want to pack each day FULL of wonderful activities so when it's all said and done...I want to have no regrets. And I want to do those tasks in front of me with a smile on my face and joy in my heart"

Erma Bombeck, an old comic and writer, put it best when she said, "Lord, until the very last day, let me use up every gift and talent you gave me so that when you call me home I can smile at you and say 'I used 'em all up'"

One of my life lessons in the past 63 years is that there will ALWAYS be lots of "things to do".

Yet I can do each of those activities with gratitude and positive intentionality or they can just be something I'm trying to hurry through so I can get them done and check them off my list.

I ask myself quite regularly, if this was my last day to live would I slow down and just appreciate the chance to clean up my kitchen? Would I feel joy that I have a refrigerator when so many in the world don't? Would I be grateful for the dishwasher that cleans my dishes, feel each dish as I put it in, enjoy their beautiful patterns and colors? Would I taste the food on my plate, take joy in its preparation, and not just rush through another meal? 

Would I savor the moment?

As the holidays approach...I want to be fully present as I buy each gift, relishing the person I got it for. I want to wrap each package, fill each basket, and appreciate the moment. I want to be more grateful to God that these wonderful folks are in my life.

As I wrap up the quarter at school and spend hours reading journals, grading papers and evaluating final projects... I want to STOP and give thanks that I have had time with these amazing students.  I don't want to let the workload spoil my attitude.

I want to be intentional about experiencing the JOY in my life!

So this morning, as I sit by the fire and sip my coffee, I have a smile on my face. A new day is dawning. I am grateful to be alive so I can enjoy every second of it! I hope you enjoy your day too!

God Bless!

Love Linda

I'M SO EXCITED, I JUST CAN'T HIDE IT!!!

Years ago, and I do mean Y.E.A.R.S ago, the Pointer Sisters sang the lyrics "I'm so excited, I just can't hide it. I'm about to lose control and I think I like it!" Now granted the object of their excitement was a man, but still these lyrics perfectly summarize how I feel today!

What am I sooooooo excited about you may be asking yourself? Here are just a few of the things that are putting a smile on my face right now....

Drum roll please.....

1) It's BABY time at the Thompson house!!!

Jessi, Roger and Emma are having a baby next May! Well, technically Jessi and Roger are having the baby, but if you know Emma you know that she is all geared up to be a BIG SISTER!

This baby is a miracle, a blessing, and a joy for them and our extended family. I have love, love, loved being in on this glorious moment, praying for this pea- in- the- pod and celebrating this new life and member of our family! More on this later...:) Please keep this family in your prayers during this pregnancy.

2) It's ADOPTION time at the Farrell house!!

That's right, you heard it here first! OK... maybe not first, but this is a miracle too. Was it on the radar screen for the Farrell family to adopt a wonderful girl from Ethiopia? Nope. Did God put it in Amy and Ryan's hearts! Yup! Is this a story that warms your heart and renews your faith ? It is! Where the heck is Ethiopia and what is that culture like? We are all finding that out and we can't stop smiling and praising! More on this later...:) Please keep this family in your prayers as they go through the extensive adoption process.

So, in short, (and you all know there is no "short" with me)... my heart is overflowing with God's grace and love for us. Two more grandbabies...how good does it get??

Add the upcoming holidays to this equation...and I am OVER THE MOON WITH EXCITEMENT AND JOY!!!... and I just can't hide it!

God Bless!

Love Linda

"Dear God. This is Linda. I need a miracle."

I remember this time last year as if it was yesterday. Halloween was approaching, and my heart was as sad as it had ever been. My life seemed in disrepair, tattered, disassembled and I was asking God:

"Why?"

"What do I do now?"

"How will we all get through this heartache and pain?"

I was so sad that I couldn't hear the answers.

Everywhere... relationships that mattered to me seemed to be in chaos.

My heart felt like it was shattered.

I tried to hold on to the old adage that things could only get better. Perhaps we would, with God's grace, get through this awful passage.

I wasn't sure we would. It was the dark night of the soul.

One vivid night, when I had cried more than I thought possible, I asked God for a miracle.

I told Him that I was powerless to change everything and that only He could bring us through this heartache on every front. I remembered the old quotation,

"Don't tell God how big the storm is, tell the storm how big God is.

On my knees and broken... 

I told the storm that the God I loved and had committed my life to at age 16, was bigger than anything it could throw at me or my loved ones.

I told the storm that I didn't know how God would make things right, but with all of the faith I could muster, I was going to trust that MY God could do miracles.

I remembered another quotation:

"There are only two ways to live your life- one is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."

I was going to believe that everything was a miracle and that what was happening would get turned around. I was going to believe, with every cell in my body, that God could make things right on every front....heal every heart, give every relationship a new beginning.

Was it possible that God could do exceedingly, abundantly above all things I could ever imagine?

Was it possible that God could turn this pain around and bring new hope and healing?

I chose to believe He could, even though I couldn't imagine how.

All of my cards were on the table. I was helpless. I gave it ALL to Him.

It is now one year later.

Another Halloween is upon me.

I am teary as I write this post. It is not my place to tell all of the stories, but it is my place this morning to praise God for answering the prayers of this grateful woman.

*I could NEVER, EVER, in a thousand lifetimes have imagined the great work God would do in the past twelve months.

*I could NEVER, EVER have imagined where we all are now.

*I could NEVER, EVER have imagined the healing and changes that are happening every day.

*I could NEVER, EVER have imagined that my heart would be lighter and my faith would be stronger.

*I could NEVER, EVER have imagined that God's grace would be the start of miracle after miracle...and they just keep coming.

So this morning, as I drink my coffee with tears streaming down my face, I remember when I whispered the prayer, "Dear God. This is Linda. I need a miracle."

And I am grateful beyond words because He answered that prayer!

God Bless! Love Linda

LIFE LESSON #626: When You Fall Down, Be Gracious, and Get Back Up Again!

I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to learn "Life Lessons" from my grandchildren. One of my most recent lessons came from my grandson, Jacob. Jacob loves to run and last year improved in each cross country race he was in. He ended up going to the All-City cross country meet. While Jacob wasn't the fastest runner last year, he went to all the practices, worked hard, and made steady improvement. Bert and I went to his races and were so proud of his efforts and sportsmanship.

This year, when cross country season started, once again Jacob went to all of the practices and worked hard. At his first meet of the season, he came in 12th. He did that with a terrible side-ache. Yet to get to All-City, you have to be in the top ten. So he was excited and nervous about his second meet.

At the second race, the Balboa runners got to be in the inside lane. I saw Jacob ahead of time, and he was smiling, relaxed, and encouraging his pal Caleb. As the race was about to begin, Bert and I were on the far side of the track. We heard the gun go off, the yelling and screaming followed, and we saw the runners come around to where we were. Caleb was in front. He is one gifted runner. Other runners went by, but no Jacob. The week before he had been toward the start of the pack. Finally we saw him, diligently running, but at that point way behind. We wondered what had happened. He finished the race, gave a great effort at the end, and knew he wouldn't be going to All City this year.

Later, after we got to his home, we heard that a boy had fallen down at the first turn and Jacob had tripped on him and fallen as well. He knew he could quit. He chose not to. He knew he probably wouldn't make All-City this year since he was way behind. But as he told me,

"Nana, sometimes you just have to run the best race you can, even though it doesn't turn out the way you wanted. I just did the best I could."

Jacob hadn't made excuses at the end of the race. He wasn't all angry and upset that he didn't make his goal. He wasn't furious at he boy who had tripped and fallen. He just did what he could, even though the circumstances were hard.

Ah...a "Life Lesson" out of the mouths of babes. When you fall down, just get back up again and do the best you can...and be gracious in the process. :)

I have had some not so easy "falling down moments" in the last several years. Sometimes I have been so disappointed in how
things have turned out, how I behaved or how other people have behaved, that my internal serenity and peace has been disrupted. I didn't feel one bit gracious in how I handled the disappointments.

More truthfully, I have allowed those circumstances to unhinge me. When I look back, I have wasted time, effort, and energy in the should-a could-as. I have, at times, held on to those hurts and regrets. I have, at times, been haunted by them. I have replayed and replayed what I said and did and what they said and did. I had a hard time letting go of what felt like a personal failure.

When I grow up...I want to be more like Jacob. I want to not beat myself up when I have done the best I could do. I want to
let God's peace and spirit fill me up so I can let go of old hurts. I want to be washed clean from irritations and resentments.
When I fall down, I want to be gracious as I get back up again. I want to be satisfied that I did the best I could...even if the outcome isn't what I wanted.

As Bert and I were ready to leave the track we turned and saw Jacob with his best buddy Caleb. Caleb had won the race. Jacob had his arm on Caleb's shoulder and grinned at his best friend. He was truly happy for how well Caleb had done and was able to put his own race behind him. He was disappointed, but happy for his friend who had done so well.

Thanks Jacob, for once again teaching your Nana some important "Life Lessons!" Love you buddy and I am SO, SO proud of the wonderful young man you are becoming!

God Bless!
Love Linda

Discovering A Treasure...My Parents' Love Letters

Children have a limited view of their parents' relationship with one another. After all, Mom and Dad are seen through a child's filter and perspective. My relationship with my Mom and Dad was no different. They were married for more than 50 years, both came from complicated childhoods, and at times seemed at once loving and also in desperate conflict with each other. They danced in the minefields of life... together. They navigated the depression and lived through an unthinkable separation during WWII.

Recently, in doing a deep clean of our basement and sifting through old, old boxes...I found an unexpected treasure. A new glimpse, if you will, of who Dolores and Mark were to one another. I found their old love letters and the cards they wrote to one another on birthdays and anniversaries.

I almost felt like I was intruding to read them..yet I had to know an age old question. Did they really love each other deeply?
Was that the foundation that held them together in spite of all the fighting and Dad's drinking. Did love keep them together as they tried to navigate life, even in times that seemed like all out war?

As an only child I watched them. I learned. I knew what set my Dad off, and I also knew that my Mom needed a protector. I was the one caught in the middle. But I also saw glimpses... Moments when there was so much kindness.

Who were they... really?

The letters are short and filled with such admiration and sincerity. I can almost hear their voices as I read the words through my tears. And then when I saw this clip on You Tube, I was once again reminded that all relationships from time to time are tested. It feels like a marriage may not make it. But years later, those battle wounds and scars make it stronger. I love in this clip how couples show their wedding pictures and then dance together...holding one another tenderly.

My Dad died first. My Mom never truly recovered from losing him. Neither did I. All the irritations and old issues subsided with his passing. The missing never ended. We forgave him.

And then she, too, was gone. My heart broke in a way that only God's grace could help put it back together. I miss her every day.

The letters tell the story. She did love him. She signed them.."Love always, your Dolores" He did love her..."You were the best thing that ever happened to me."

When I was little I used to see them dance together in our living room. Now I love to imagine them both, dancing together in Heaven.

Love and blessings!
Linda

I Forgot... Again!

The first week of school has come and gone. WOW! That's all I can say. 

I am thrilled to be back in the classroom. I am honored to be working with students who are dedicated to improving their lives. That part of the week warmed my heart and made me realize why I LOVE teaching. I loved seeing my friends and colleagues. And once again, it is inspiring to team-teach with Amy.

However, if I'm honest (and I am trying to be truly honest with myself and others), the outside-of-the-classroom climate at the college was CRAZY...and I do mean like the TV show "Saturday Night Live" crazy. One unthinkable event after another. These weren't small events mind you. Any one of the events was detrimental to SCC as I know it. We needed Betty White to show up, just like she did on Saturday Night Live, and give us some comic relief!

Yes, the week was stressful outside my classroom. The details of that stress really don't matter. What matters is that... 

I forgot, again, to take a breath and rely on God. 

Yikes! And the physical and emotional consequences of that "forgetting" were noticeable.

This morning I re-read an encouragement email Amy forwarded to me this last week. Granted, I did read it before but I was so sucked into the "vortex" of the week, and holding on to my sense of well being, that the message didn't sink in... until now.

The email described a Mom in a kitchen preparing a meal with a sleeping baby leaning into her. The Mom clattered and clanked as she whirled around to make dinner, with the baby nestling into her hip. The outer world of activity and whirlwind didn't phase the baby because she leaned into her Mommy.

And the message suggested that I need to lean into God just as that baby leaned into her Mom.

Ah....THERE'S the truth of it: When I just rely on me, I take in all of the stressors I can't change. When I lean into God, I'll find peace and serenity in the midst of the whirlwind.

I have learned this lesson before, but why oh why is it so easy to forget it.

I guess I'm a slow learner when it comes to turning everything over to the Lord.

My "I can fix it if I just try harder" mentality kicks in and the vicious cycle begins.

It's almost a predictable mathematical equation:

Want stress to sink in...rely on just me.

Want peace and serenity in the midst of chaos...lean into God.

I am breathing easier as I take in this message. I remember that God is in control and can fix all things. 

This morning I am grateful for the reminder!

God Bless!

Love Linda

CONTENTMENT, NESTING and Teaching an Old Dog "New Tricks"

Simply put, this summer changed me. I have, for years, longed for a more balanced life, but I felt helpless to make the core changes to facilitate that change. I just got used to rush, rush, rush...work, work, work.

True, I was (and still am) incredibly productive. At almost 64 years of age, I joked that I could work circles around many of my younger colleagues. I came from a family background where hard work was in our bone marrow, and I was following that coveted tradition.

The thought of being a "slacker" was repulsive to me. Still is.

Yet, where was contentment?

It somehow got lost in all of the hard work.

What is contentment to me? It's loving being where I am at any moment and finding the joy, serenity, and peace in the little things in life. It's creating moments where the whirlwind stops so I can be centered , creative, and faithful to the God I love and the people I cherish.

It's taking time to relish making and drinking a cup of coffee. It's appreciating the joy of cleaning my counters instead of being irritated that they aren't clean. It's finding old black and white photos of my loved ones and starting to frame them and create a family wall. It is personalizing a home we have been in for a long time and creating a living environment that reflects my heart and soul.

It's "nesting", not decorating.

What's the difference? For me, decorating is an exterior process of quickly getting a room in shape with a new look and update. It may mean a new coat of paint, new slip covers, or a trip to a store that refreshes and revives a tired, old living space. Don't get me wrong. I love decorating.

But "nesting" is just a little different. It's not just an external process. It's an internal change of heart. It is reflecting who I am into where I live. It is finding cherished items that reflect precious memories and surrounding ourselves with them. It is "authentic living" that enhances our spirits and our souls. It is a deeply felt reminder that I am not all that I have, but I am God's child. It is the beginning of the process of internal examination into who God means me to be.

It is the next step of going deeper as I get older.

For me, authentic living is peeling back the superficial layers in every area of my life. It is relishing the time I have left on this earth and REALLY making the best of it.

And it all started with the basement...with getting rid of "stuff" and changing a space I couldn't stand into a peaceful and esthetic place I love to be in. That basement is a "work in progress" and so am I.

So as fall starts to change the leaves in the trees and splashes new colors of orange, green, amber, red and yellow in our garden, I am puttering in our home...to my heart's content.

I am getting more rest for my body and rest for my soul. I am finding my old art supplies and beginning, in my mind, to imagine drawing this year's Christmas card. I am going through boxes of old photos and revisiting those memories. I am smiling more and worrying less. I am placing my hand in God's more often and letting Him guide my day. I am crying more at the suffering I am seeing and feeling because my heart isn't wound quite so tight.

Yesterday I was back at school hugging old students who had returned and appreciating colleagues who have done this sacred work for years and years. I felt honored to meet new students and wanted to give them a safe home at school where they could let down their overwhelm and stress. And then I came home, left school behind and took a nap. That's right a nap.

I woke up, felt rested and happy, and made a delicious salmon dinner for my hubby.

I felt "content", happy through and through. I felt alive!

I guess you CAN teach an "old dog new tricks"!

Sending love, contentment, and blessings your way!

God Bless!

Linda

"AND TO EVERYTHING THERE IS A SEASON"...

I am in awe of God's handiwork. In His perfect timing the air starts to cool, mornings are crisp, colors start to change, and fall is once again in the air. As a new season approaches, and the best summer ever draws to a close, I find that I am at once grateful beyond words, mixed with a teaspoon of sadness, at the end of this SPECTACULAR summer.

Lately I have heard myself say that "This was the best summer of my life!"

Strong words, even for me.

What made this summer so memorable? It wasn't fancy trips to exotic locations. It wasn't buying something or DOING something. It was relaxing into my life so that I could have precious time with those I dearly love.

I know, most people don't associate ME with the word RELAXING :) Truth be told, I didn't either..until this summer.

What did relaxing look like this summer? Here are a few examples:

* I relished my first cup of coffee in the morning and had long and drawn out conversations with my beloved hubby as we sat on the sofa sipping and sharing. No gulping and running... just being.

* I slept in, often until 6 or 7 am. To the average person this might not seem like a big deal. However, I am normally up at 3am every morning during the school year. This summer I worked on changing that life-long habit. I got rest. I was intentional. When I woke up at 3, I told myself (the way you would a small child) that all of the birds are still sleeping and it's not time to get up yet! :)

* I laughed and chuckled until it hurt. I giggled and took delight in playing in a sprinkler in my work clothes (with Emma) or just looking with loving and playful eyes at Jenna's "crazy hair" when she woke up. My time at Cannon Beach with my dear friend Sharon was hilarious. We laughed until it hurt!:)

* I puttered and cleaned my home. I nested and completed some projects that might seem small to most people, but they were HUGE to me!

* I wrote in times on my calendar for "self-care"...that's right, self-care, not work. And what's more I committed that time to caring for me with as much diligence as I would an important consulting appointment.

*I had wonderful and important "Nana Time" talks with my darling grandchildren. Not the kind of talks about just activities, but the "Updated Postcard" kind of talks about what is going on in their hearts. I adore my grand babies, all of them, and I am passionate about knowing what makes them "tick"!

* I took time to breathe, take naps, read great books ("Fly Away Home" was my absolute favorite) and have my quiet time with God. Like the old spiritual says, "It is well with my soul."

I focused on "soul-time" and time with the Lord this summer.

* I kept up my "Gratitude Journal"... a reminder of my multitude of blessings. I focused on what I could control and asked God to help release me from worrying about what I can't control.

* I got tickets to take Bert to the musical "South Pacific", Nutcracker Ballet tickets for Jessi, Emma, and me for our annual Christmas tradition, and await the Women of Faith Conference and Beth Moore Christian Conference with Amy. I love, LOVE, LOVE having events on my calendar to look forward to.

* The list of summer delights goes on and on....life-changing moments as my pace of life shifted from "turbo speed" to a "slow down and enjoy it all" speed.

I am grateful for this relaxed time and as school is about to start I want to take these life-changing lessons with me. To everything there is a season...and I am "blessed beyond measure"

by this one!

God Bless!

Love Linda

LIVING FAITH as if Jesus was a "Drive-Through" God

Relationships fascinate me. They always have, and they always will. I stand back and realize how easy it is to take relationships for granted, misuse them (if only unintentionally), and think everything is "fine", when in fact it is not.

Relationships are a joy, the fabric of my life, and what makes me get up every morning and think, "Well, today will be interesting and never boring." :)

I am a student of relationships, my own and others. I look at relationships at home and at work trying to understand how I need to make relationships better. I am always on the look out for what it takes to make a relationship healthy, growing, and meaningful. What kind of open heart and communication is called for? What kind of time commitment makes a difference? While I may miss the mark, I am always trying to improve the relationships that matter to me.

One question that has surfaced a lot this summer is...

Does this person I truly care about REALLY know that their relationship with me is a high priority in my life? Does Bert know? Does Amy know? Does Jessi know? Do my grandchildren know? Do other family members know? Do my friends know?

How about my relationship with God? Does God know?

In a recent sermon at our church our Pastor challenged us to look at our relationship with God, with Jesus, and see how our behavior met the qualities of a healthy relationship here on earth.

He asked:

Do you regularly talk to God and thank Him for all of the blessings He has given you?

...Or do you only come to God when you want something and you want it "soon please".

Or maybe we often even leave off the please.

Do you talk to God every day or only in a crisis?

..."Please God, (even though I haven't talked to you for five years or even really had a relationship with you)..."please save my child (my job, my marriage, my life)."

Our pastor asked us to consider what would happen to our earthly relationships if we treated them like we often treat God. Yikes!

Pastor Lonnie then gave, what was for me, the ultimate analogy.

"Do you see Jesus as a drive-through God?"

You drive up, give your order of what you want, and expect Jesus to be at the window fulfilling what you want, when you want it, and how your want it. Your "prayers" consist of telling God HOW to do His job and WHEN to do it.

"I'll have ketchup and mustard, but no onions please, Jesus."

"I'd like a better job, better marriage, and all my ducks in a row...and could I please have that NOW. Oh, and by the way, thanks for the great day and all my blessings. Sorry I haven't been to church, worshiped you, or read your Word in the Bible."

Our Pastor then asked, "Are you living your faith as if Jesus was a drive-through?"

I could barely breathe at this point in the sermon.

Oops! I hesitated to look around to see if Lonnie Mitchell was talking to everyone or just me.

Am I really that arrogant with God? If I asked God for the highs and lows in our relationship what would He say? Would He feel like a real priority in my life or just a side dish ordered at Taco Bell?

I felt my knees go weak.

How does He feel when I tell Him what to do, how to do it, and when it needs to be done?

More importantly...Am I really talking to the creator of the universe, the Almighty God, the Alpha and Omega, the Giver of all life and blessings as if He was an employee at a drive-through restaurant?

I felt like I was going to throw up.

This summer, following this sermon, I have been re-reminded that my prayer life needs some revision, my time in the Bible needs some revision, my attitude about going to church and fellowship with other Christians needs some revision, and my overall relationship with God needs some time, love, energy, communication and revision.

I do NOT want to live my faith as if Jesus was a "Drive Through."

Your thoughts?

God Bless!

Love, Linda

The Double Standard of the "HONEY-DO" List

I love teaching. One of the MANY reasons I love teaching adult students is how much I learn from them. One of those "AHA!" moments came in my Gender Communication class this last quarter.

We were having a "fishbowl" exercise where a group of women became part of an inner circle for discussion. As part of that group, we sat on the floor in the center of the room while other students sat around us listening and taking notes. The goal of the women's discussion was to offer "tips" to the men in the class about communication, attitude, and behaviors that might improve their relationships with important women in their lives. 

We also had a "fishbowl" where the men got to talk and the women listened and took notes. The men's fishbowl went first. To be fair, the men displayed much better manners as listeners in the fishbowl exercises. They not only listened respectfully, they asked amazing and thought-provoking questions.

In the women's fishbowl one gal talked about how everything is better when men really help at home. She inferred, and we might have an "Amen, Sister!" from any women reading this blog, that men don't really do their fair share at home. Women work at outside jobs, just like their husbands, but they are then expected to do the majority of kid care and household care. All the women in the group agreed that men helping more with the household chores and children would make women in general a much happier group of people.

After the fishbowl was over, and the men could ask questions, one well-respected and older male student asked if he might participate in the conversation. This was someone who dearly loves his wife and had been sharing all of his class information on improving gender communication with her. Everyone in the room really liked him.

Quite simply, and sincerely, John asked,"I've always wondered about the double standard of the "honey-do" list. Could you ladies help me with my confusion?" He went on to explain that he always helped his wife around the house. He felt that was part of being a good husband. Yet he also had his own list of things to accomplish. While his list might not be written down, he had one. 

What puzzled him, he said respectfully, was why women always seemed to feel that they could give a guy another list of their priorities to do, the ever famous "Honey-Do List!" and expected men to re-prioritize and get the new list done ASAP. What, he asked, would happen if men started to give women those kinds of lists? 

He went on to ask how many of us gave our husbands a "Honey-Do List!" We all raised our hands. He then asked how many of our husbands gave us regular "Honey-Do Lists"? No hands went up. "Is that a double standard?", he asked.

Our mouths dropped open.

We were speechless.

It had never occurred to me that the famous "Honey-Do list" was one-sided and a double standard. The "Honey-Do List" was a cultural phenomenon, passed from generation of women to the next generation of women. It was a cry for help from busy women, desperate to have their spouses help them out at home. But was it a double standard? Would I be shocked to have Bert write a "Honey-Do List" for me? Food for thought!

Yup, I love teaching!

I love learning new things!

Thanks John!

What do YOU think about the famous "Honey Do Lists"??? Is it a double standard?

God Bless!

Love Linda

 

She Is One Tough Cookie and A Warrior Against Cancer!

In this culture the word "hero" gets tossed around rather loosely at times. Or at least that's my opinion. A celebrity is designated to be a "hero" because they donate to a cause. An athlete is a "hero" because they do something extraordinary. Now please don't think I am diminishing those accomplishments. I'm not. 

But to me a true hero is someone whose selflessness and courage are such a bright shining star for others that you are almost blinded by their faith, perseverance and tenacity... and they do this day-after-day, week-after-week, month-after-month, and year-after-year...against

great odds. Their attitude, in the face of extreme adversity, makes you sit up and say, "So that's what real character looks like!" When faced with all the tough things life can throw at you, they hold on to God with both hands and show you what faith really looks like. 

Eileen Thompson is this kind of hero to me.

I've known Eileen for many years, and I have seen her battle cancer twice. Once, fourteen years ago...and now, unexpectedly, fourteen years later.  What is so amazing and heroic about Eileen is how she handles all of the tough things in life. She turns to Jesus and holds on to Him. She handles the most difficult adversity with grace, or as she says,... "I am still here by the grace of God. I can do this by God's grace." And I believe her! 

*Bring on the chemo-she handles it with grace. 

*Lose your hair- she handles it with grace. 

*Legs swell up so your ankles don't bend- she handles it with grace. 

*Because of the cancer drugs you no longer have feeling in your hand-she handles it with grace. 

*Have an open wound after cancer surgery-she handles it with grace.

*Raise your granddaughter in the midst of it all- she handles it with love and grace.

I'm not always sure how God works, or what makes Him smile, but I can't help but imagine that when Jesus sees how Eileen perseveres and follows Him, He must smile.

Eileen would never call herself a hero. She might even be embarrassed that I wrote this about her. That humbleness is partly what makes her accomplishments so extraordinary to me. 

She is one tough cookie, and I am proud to call this cancer warrior my friend and soul sister!

God Bless!

Love Linda

PS. Check the song in the previous post... "Let The Waters Rise!" It reminds me of Eileen!

To my soul sis, Eileen- this song reminds me of you! Love Linda

Thoughts As I Head To Cannon Beach!

OK...this is even hard for me to believe! I changed the template on my blog all by myself. :)

A good sign as I head off for a week of respite, fun, nourishment, and time with a dear friend.

This week has been beyond chaotic, and I have been challenged to again and again turn EVERYTHING over to God! And while there have been challenges, my heart is FULL of gratitude for all of the blessings that are overflowing. It's all about how you frame it! Here are a few of this week's events in no particular order.

Yesterday was a magical marker kind of day. Thirty three years ago, on June 24th, Jessi was born. Talk about nostalgia...it seems like yesterday. So many memories flooded in yesterday about her birth and the deep sense of wonder about carrying a life and seeing her born. What a gift it is, an honor, to be part of helping to grow someone. Jessi from day one has always been a "go-getter", a take-it-on kind of gal. Back then she rode her big wheel in the dirt with her party dress on. Today she is a triathlete and still ridin' in style. As I've watched her become a wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, teacher, athlete...and more...I have been amazed at God's gift to me and to those around her. I love you Jess Jess! I always have and I always will! Happy 33rd birthday sweetie! I can't wait to celebrate with you when I am back! 

Not only was this week marked by Jessi's birthday, the unexpected event of Jacob's emergency appendix removal left us all shaken. One minute Jacob is running around and having a great day, and the next day he is in lots of pain and having trouble walking. That evening we are all gathered at Children's Hospital at Sacred Heart in the waiting room... waiting for a surgeon to let us know Jacob is OK. My heart was in my throat. Between tears I just keep praying..."Please God, let him be good as new".  And God kept that promise. While Jacob is still in the hospital recovering, he WILL make a full recovery. What a great relief! I love you Jacob and I am so, so glad that you are getting better!

Besides Jessi's birthday and Jacob's surgery, a major event this week was SCC's graduation on Monday and getting my grades in. I also came back on Tuesday and Wednesday to start to get ready for next year. What a great year of teaching at SCC and how amazing and blessed I feel to get to teach with Amy! Her presence at SCC has been a gift to her students and also a gift to me! I love watching her teach! Thanks for a great year Aim! I can't wait to do it all again next year! It has also been a gift to my heart to see the kind of Mama she is as she has ministered to Jacob during this time.

And not to be left out, two of the unsung heroes of this week have been Ryan and Bert. Ryan, I have loved watching you minister to your family as you have given and given and put them first.

Not only did you finish a clean up at your old house so the new buyers could move in early, and you did it at 3:30 in the morning after Jacob's surgery, you have shown love and leadership at every turn. I am so grateful that you were there to remind us that God was taking care of it all! Love you!

And to my dear Boppa...who also helped to hold down the fort...I am so grateful for you every day! Your deep love for us shines through all the time, but especially in moments when things seem scary. You are my rock! Love you so much!

What a week! And now it's time to move my clothes for the trip from the washer to the dryer.

It's time to breathe and get revitalized. It's time to hear the ocean, read books, laugh myself silly...and just have fun!

Life is good, and I am grateful! Loves and hugs as I head off.

God Bless!

Love Linda

Time For A Change!

I can feel it in the air. I can feel it in my bones. I can feel it in my emerging smile. I am wistfully waiting for school to end. Closing the book on another year of teaching. What an intense year it has been...but that is for another post.

What I'm struck by this morning is my desire to extend my cuppa, cuppa coffee time, plant some new and less drenched plants in my planters, get the house super clean and organized , do all the laundry, clean my car and get on with the simple pleasures in my life that take care of me.

I need to catch up with some special folks and have quality time, time that is measured in luxurious hours, not clock-watching minutes.

But most of all... I need to catch up with me!

I.need.some.order.

I.need.a.change.in.focus. 

I am grateful for an extended break where I am able to re-find myself...and not the one who grades papers, chairs committees, and does marketing for my department at SCC. That super-productive, always-in-top-gear girl needs to be put on the back burner until late next September.

Where oh where did the whimsical, artistic, book reading part of me fly off to? I'm not sure, but I know I'll find her!

The sun may come out

Or it may choose not to

It doesn't matter.

Rain or shine, I feel a smile coming on!

It's time for a change.

God Bless!

Love Linda