Friday, July 24, 2015

Letting It Go...

                                           YOU WILL
                          FIND THAT
                                IT IS
                              TO LET THINGS
                           GO; SIMPLY
                       FOR THE REASON
                           THAT THEY
                                     -Anne Lamott

Yesterday started out like any other day...full of promise.

And then the news came. A shock wave if you will.
Twenty four hours later I am still reeling.

Someone I used to know, who I really cared about, did something so despicable that I just couldn't wrap my mind and heart around it.

Granted, this person had made lots of pretty awful choices along the way. I have been shocked before, but not like this.

Little by little over the past years I have adapted to seeing them in a new and more realistic light. When I thought of them this quotation came to mind...

                   Hurt people...hurt people.

I have tried to have compassion with their choices that hurt so many because I knew they had been so hurt growing up. I have tried with all my heart to see them the way Jesus sees them. No matter what they have done, or who they are, they are still a child of God.

And I do believe that it is not my job to judge.

So countless times, in the not so distant past, I have "moved them out" and distanced myself emotionally from them. I did this

because they were so mixed up and toxic that I knew it wasn't healthy for me to associate with them. I felt like I had them at a safe distance from my heart and that they couldn't hurt me again or hurt those I love again.

That was until yesterday.

I am still stunned that they could do this. My head shakes as I write those words. I feel as if I have been hit by a truck when I let in the magnitude of the new low in their behavior.

Oprah Winfrey once said...
             "When someone shows you who they are...
               believe them."

Even though this person has shown me who they are time and
time again, and I have seen them do unthinkable things, I have still prayed for them. I have always prayed that they would have a turn-around. That they could change. I wanted to be realistically optimistic about them.

Today, after seeing the hurt they have caused , I am just plain angry. Yet me carrying that anger is not good for my health.

I am praying to find a way to let this go. I have to do this simply for the reason that it is too heavy for me to carry...way too heavy for me to carry. I plan to write them a letter I will never send, just as a first step in the letting go process.

Please keep them and me in your thoughts and prayers!

God Bless!
Love Linda 


Miss Myia said...

Hey beautiful woman...I'm here in Longview, Texas at the National Ballooning Championship (I'm not flying it this year)and you have been on my mind...I now know tell you that "you will be able to let this go" As extremely hard as it is, I know you can process through it and come out on the other side with a clearer perspective and understanding that "not all people stay in our lives forever". It's okay to let them go, you have to do it for YOU (if these words seem familiar it's because you said these same words to me years ago, that sadly I've had to let some people go). I truly wish I could hug you in person and hold your hand and just you did for me so many times...precious and priceless times with you...I love you to the moon and back! Hugs and love, Myia

Vicky said...

Oh honey, I'm so sorry. I worked with a woman that had what I later learned was a "toxic" personality. And yes-" Hurt people, hurt people," was so evident. I was fresh out of college and she was my work "mentor." She'd reel me in, and every single time, I'd buy in, thinking this time she won't be mean. It took time for me to realize she thrived on chaos and conflict- she loved stirring it up, especially when she knew I despised it. I finally went back to school, quit the job, and rarely looked back. But now, I run into her occasionally. And I still get a sinking feeling in my stomach. Quitting my job, felt like she won. But truly, leaving was the only way I could begin to heal. I was truly victimized, and can only now see it for what it was.

I pray you find the way, too, to let go. I truly know its hard. I will simply pray for you as you continue to walk through this. So much love to you!

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