LESSONS ON MARRIAGE: IT'S ALL ABOUT LOVE, KINDNESS, LIGHT BULBS and PUSSY WILLOWS!

This April 7th Bert and I will have been married for 24 years. We will have been together for more than 25... a quarter of a century, the longest significant committed relationship I have ever been in.

Simply put... being with Bert, loving Bert, fighting with Bert, talking with Bert, listening to Bert, and sharing everything I am with Bert has changed me at a soul-level in my life.

I was married before. After fourteen and a half years of marriage... that marriage relationship ended. I was very young when I got married, either 19 or twenty, depending on whose memory you consult. I was in love with love. I was in love with Tim. I was in love with Tim's family. I had "known" Tim for years, but I could never truly know him because I didn't know myself.

I thought then, as so many people do, that being married would "complete" me. It would fill the hole in my heart. My relationship with my father, who hadn't been loved well enough by his own family, had left me wanting more. Surely a man would come along, love me, and make it all better.

I didn't understand that no human being could fill that deep, cavernous hole. Only my Heavenly Father could.

But since I didn't "get" that life principle, I unknowingly assigned the task of "filling the hole" to whomever happened to be there. Poor Tim. It wasn't a job description he knowingly signed on for. He had his own growing to do, and we both had to go elsewhere to find ourselves and then learn to be there in another relationship.

If I had known then what I know now...but that is life's lesson isn't it. It's all about learning the lessons, growing, and changing. Not trying to grow others, or change others, but learning to grow ourselves.

I met Bert in graduate school at Whitworth. I was somewhat jaded, as women often become. Cynical even... about men. Yet here was this unusual person. After many conversations with myself and with God...I was willing to give love another chance.

But first there was a greater task at hand...sorting out who I really was.
You see one of the slippery slopes of marriage is the "honeymoon phase" that ends in the "disillusionment phase".

The odd disparity about a marriage relationship seems to be this pattern:
*at first I thought you were perfect
*and now you are "just you"...not perfect at all.
*in fact, you are a huge disappointment on so many levels.

And it's far easier to look at how disappointing you are than to look at how disappointing I am...to myself, to you, to everyone around me.

In truth...you are just another imperfect human being, a child of God not fully formed, and you don't so perfectly fit the bill of who I made you out to be...who I made you up to be.

Before, when I was so in love I couldn't breathe, I gave you an un-doable job description..."My Perfect Husband"....and you have failed.

So...now it's "pick on you time" and "pick apart" time. The relationship often becomes unrecognizable.

Ring any bells? Sound at all familiar?

Truth told...I've been there, I've done that. It's vivious... and sad and ugly and awful. It often takes place in the hurting places of our heart...the places where we've failed to let God's love in and let His love shine and heal our own personal misery.

What I know now that I didn't know then... was that until you love your own imperfections, until you embrace your own frailties, until you learn to love, laugh at and accept the "icky part of you", and until you turn that all over to God...you will just project your own angst on to someone else. And sometimes that lesson gets learned too late.

I have several single friends who watch couples unknowingly pick each other apart, and they watch in horror. One recently said to me, "Don't you married people get what you have? You have the privilege of sharing your life with someone, and you don't seem to appreciate what a sacred honor that is." She went on to chastise all of us who are married when she said,
"You know you can go too far. You can do damage that can't be repaired. After your husband is gone, after he leaves or dies...or you leave.. you will then know what you had and what you missed."

Yup, she's right. I know that at a deep, heart level. Been there done that...and as scarey as it may seem..I am capable of not learning that lesson again.

Unless I take special care, I can focus on what is wrong about Bert instead of what is wonderful about Bert.

And that leads us to the light bulbs and pussy willows.

It has been a tough few weeks. It's Lent...no wonder. I have felt pulled and not at ease. Little things have irritated me. All of the light bulbs over the kitchen counter were out, and I was irritated that Bert had not replaced them. I was grouchy and grumpy...and not quietly so.

I am so glad that God didn't videotape me...I would no doubt be embarrased.

Bert has quietly tried to soothe my soul, bring some relief. Finally, I just started to cry. Guess I needed a good one. I asked God, "What the heck is wrong with me?"

And then yesterday when I came home from work at lunch time, Bert was still there working on the poetry for his poetry class. He looked like a little kid with a surprise. I was so exhausted that I couldn't "get" what was going on. Finally, he took me gently by the arm to the kitchen counter and with a big, child-like grin on his face...had me look up.

"I changed the light bulbs!" he said. "I thought it would make you feel better!"

And then he showed me the pussy willows. I love pussy willows since they signal that spring is right around the corner. So Bert, some years ago, planted a pussy willow tree for me so I could have pussy willows in our home.

There, in a funny little vase, were some hand-picked pussy willows. He had trudged up our snowy hill to pick pussy willows for me.

There, in that moment of kindness, lightbulbs, and pussywillows... I got what I needed to learn.
It IS a sacred honor to share your life with someone. I don't want to focus on what Bert isn't, but on what Bert is!

One little act of kindness can change everything. Changing those lightbulbs was Bert's way of showing me that he loved me. Go figure! And the pussy willows?
No bouquet picked by a child has ever meant as much!

Marriage really is about loving someone...just as they are...and seeing beyond who they are to who they could be. Marriage really is about loving someone more than you love yourself. Marriage really is about looking past your partner's "icky self" to who God meant them to be.
Marriage really is about working on my "icky self" so I can be a better wife for Bert. And marriage really is about letting God's love and light shine in my heart so I can see how blessed I am to have a life partner!

Today I am taking pussy willows to school...so I'll remember the lessons!

God Bless! Love and hugs to all who read this!
Love Linda

THE AGE OF MIRACLES...Profound New Learnings!

Sometimes life's learnings come at me in such a fast and furious fashion that it takes time to digest them!

Sometimes God has a way of getting my attention and while I can feel a bit overwhelmed, I am eternally grateful for a chance to grow, change, and learn about myself... in a deeper more meaningful way.

In short...I am in a time of profound inner change. It's as if the "inner work" I have done the past few years is starting to manifest itself clearly in my life. That inner work and wisdom has to do with embracing all of my life and all that I am! It is about seeing life more clearly. It's about taking my "Life Lessons at 61" and naming and claiming them.

It's also about acknowledging that when you "do the outer work"..the work on my body and losing 35 pounds...the inner work starts to make more sense. This may seem overly complex to some of you who read this. Yet it is part of a "New Midlife Journey" that I am taking!

It's part of having more of my life behind me than is in front of me. Sometimes there simply comes a time in our lives- not fundamentally different from the way puberty separates childhood from adulthood- when it's time for one part of ourselves to die and for something new to be born.

It's time for me to let go of some old habits that no longer serve me well!

I will try to make sense of a few of my latest learnings in this post:

LEARNING #1: Don't Take Things Personally and Offer Compassion

This past week seemed filled with people who were outwardly angry and bitter and yet were inwardly hurt and venting. One was a student, the other a college colleague. My first response is to get angry back. My second response is to get them out of my life and say "no more, you suck, I want nothing to do with you! " While my initial response was fairly familiar, it didn't take long for a new and deeper compassion to bubble forth. It is possible that after a year of working on the "Four Agreements"...an amazing book that is a life-time guide...that I am actually making progress in NOT TAKING THINGS PERSONALLY!

This is a HUGE step for me!

I could see both of these people as being so much more than their response. I didn't have to do anything but hold out care and love to them. I didn't feel so afraid that I had to make them wrong! More importantly I could look at them and ask the question..."How does what they did, in some form or another, remind me of me?"

LEARNING #2: Who Do I Need To Forgive and Reconcile With?

On Valentines Day Bert and I were a part of a charity event at the Bing Crosby Theatre. We were part of raising funds for a children's orphanage in Ruwanda. Our choir from church came to sing there! Just another item to do on the 'ol "to do list"? Truthfully it was....until the program began.

A little historical background..Ruwanda went through a massive genocide in 1994 while the world sat and watched. Over 1 million people were slaughtered. The war was between two Ruwandan tribes...Hutu and Tutsi.( See the movie Hotel Ruwanda) Even families that had intermarried between the two tribes found husbands slaughtering their wives. When the smoke cleared, how do you put a country back together where people saw a neighbor slaughter their whole family?

The Ruwandans conducted outdoor "Chochnas" , which means "on the grass". These were trials where the victims confronted those who had destroyed their lives. If the perpetrator was honest, and genuinely remorseful during this trial on the grass, he or she was forgiven (truly forgiven) and brought back into community.

Arlene Brown, the speaker at this event who gave up everything she had to go to Ruwanda to build an orphanage there, told this powerful story of reconciliation. A Tutsi woman (a wife and mother of three small children) watched a young man she knew in her village (he was 18 and a Hutu) slaughter her entire beloved family. She watched this neighbor boy take a machete' and chop up her husband and children in front of her. She was destroyed by the horror of this experience.

At their village "chochna" or trial several years later, the young man confessed his deep grief for what he had done and asked for the woman's forgiveness. Eventually, after much soul searching, she told him she could forgive him if he did one thing. "What was that?" he asked.

She wanted him to move in with her and be her son.

Whaaaaaaat you might ask? Be her son? Are you kidding me?

She told him that in letting go of all her anger, there was only love and compassion left for the hurt in him. He had taken her son, but now she offered for him to be her son.

There wasn't a dry eye in the house. After telling this story, and showing the pictures of the woman and her "new son", Arelene Brown asked these three question to the audience:

"Who have YOU not forgiven?
" Who do YOU need to reconcile with?"
"Do you know that the anger and old resentments you carry in your heart are eating you alive?
They are eating your heart, your spirit, and your soul"

The fallout from this story and those three questions has been amazing! Tears flowed as one of the choir members at church yesterday, after sharing this story with the congregation, told of the hurt and anger she has carried for white people. She wants to let go of it!

I have been crying off and on myself as I ask myself
"Who do I need to forgive?" What am I still angry about? "How can I "reconcile" with this person?" "Do I get the "cost" of anger in my own life?"

So this week, Valentine's week, has been about "heart work"...about not taking things personally and feeling compassion, even for those who are angry.

It has also been about looking at what "real forgiveness" is all about!

I am so grateful to God for all that I am learning!
I wouldn't miss this journey, and this week with all it's learnings, for anything!

God Bless! Love and hugs! Linda

OPEN HEART DAY..."Won't You Be My Valentine?"

I absolutely love holidays! I have ever since I was a little girl :)

When I was little I was filled with glee as at Christmas time I awaited the birth of a holy baby and the arrival of a jolly old man who shared presents...

I looked forward with great anticipation to the magical nature of Easter where Jesus was risen and eggs appeared in my slippers....

And then there was Valentines Day!

I knew when I got up in the morning that both my Mom and I would receive a beautiful and sentimental card from my Dad, and we would each get a dozen red roses from him with a gigantic red bow. Not only that....I would go to school on Valentines Day, put a huge homemade heart with a small envelope sized opening on my desk and await messages of friendship and caring. Many small cards, often made by hand and carefully put into the desk sized mail box, started with the words...."Won't you be my valentine?"

Getting my Valentines ready , and picking out or making just the right cards to give to those I loved, became a time-honored ritual! I could picture their smile when they opened my card and remembered that I loved them. The night before Valentines Day I could hardly sleep.

Not much has changed in all of these years!

My Dad, who came from a very difficult family background, and had his first birthday cake at age thirty that was baked by my Mom, was very sentimental about Valentines Day. His sentiments and wisdom have always stayed with me. He told me something that I will hold in my heart forever...

"Nothing compares to having someone to love who loves you back!"

And he was right! For the first time in his life he had two people who loved him to the moon and back...my Mom and me! He never, ever took that for granted. He knew what it meant to feel like he wasn't anyone's Valentine!

So for me...today isn't just a Hallmark moment. It is far greater than that! It is a reminder to live life with an open heart! It is a reminder to be kind to everyone because you do not know the battles they are fighting! It is a reminder that when you give love generously...love comes back to you tenfold!

I feel so blessed this morning! I awoke to a beautiful and sentimental card from my dear hubby Bert...and as if almost by magic...a dozen red roses with a huge bow sat waiting for me on the kitchen counter. I couldn't stop crying as it brought back memories of Valentines Days gone by. I am so grateful that the one I love... loves me back! I am so grateful that I am someone's Valentine!

God Bless! May you know today that you are dearly loved! God loves you and so do I!

Happy Valentines Day! Love Linda

SUPER TUESDAY...and my birthday too! :) TEN THINGS I AM GRATEFUL FOR!!!

Here are a few things I am grateful for today, February 5th, 2008:

1) I am so grateful that God loves me and that I feel that love every day!

2) I am so grateful to have had parents who adored me and challenged me to be the best "me" I could be!

3) I am so grateful that I grew up in a politically active family...and that on my birthday I lived long enough to fill out a primary ballot and could choose between a WOMAN and an AFRICAN-AMERICAN...and both are legitimate candidates for President of the United States!

4) I am so, so grateful for my special husband Bert! He is the love of my life!

5) I am so, so grateful that God blessed me with two spectacular daughters...Jessi and Amy! They bless my life every day!

6) I am so, so grateful for all of my family....sons, sons-in-law, daughters-in law, and my amazing and wonderful 12 grandchildren!!!

7) I am so grateful for God's grace and reconcilliation in my blended family and extended family!

8) I am so grateful that God has called me to be a teacher and a consultant and that I can serve others in both of these jobs that I love!

9) I am so grateful for all of my friends who have stood by me all of these years!

10) I am so, so grateful to God for my health, that my ankle has healed, and that I am so much lighter in body and spirit!

So on this SUPER TUESDAY....know that I am grateful for you!
God Bless! Love and hugs to all who read this!
Linda

BIRTHDAY CELEBRATIONS...What A Great Weekend!

I absolutely love weekends that are filled with FUN and GRANDKIDS galore! We had Jacob overnight on Thursday night and he played with Boppa while I went to teach on Friday! He is so amazing and brings such joy to my life! Thanks Jacob for coming to stay with Boppa and me! We love you to the moon and back!

Friday late afternoon our special friend Dustin came over to talk about the upcoming charity event we are participating in...raising money for a Rumandan orphanage! Thanks Dustin for including us in this amazing project!

Then Friday night we celebrated my birthday at Bangkok Thai with Jessi, Rog and Emma! What fun to get together, share stories and my favorite is the birthday crown Emma made for me! Emma is such an amazing little girl and she blesses my life with her smile! The meal was wonderful and the dessert so creative, and appropriate to my Weight Watcher Goals...Weight Watcher Fudgesicles! So thoughtful !! Thanks you guys for such a great evening! Thanks Emma for making me a "Birthday Crown"! I can't wait to wear it to school on Tuesday!

Saturday was a fun time with Bert including getting my birthday outfit...jeans that are TWO SIZES SMALLER!!! Praise God! And he also got me a neat sweater and chocolate brown suede jacket...both one size smaller! I was so thrilled to see the results of all the hard work the past five months! Thanks honey for loving me and celebrating me every day of the year!

To top Saturday off, we met Amy , Ryan, and Jenna at Wolf Lodge in Spokane for an amazing steak dinner by a beautiful lodge fireplace! Bert and I split a dinner and I had several bites only of the dessert the restaurant brought!! It was so fun to just be together and have such great conversation! Amy asked me such a thought-provoking question...

"Mom, what are your three top goals for your 61st year?" More on that later! :)

Thanks Amy, Ryan, and Jenna for all of your love for me and for such a neat evening! I loved our time, the dinner, and the beautiful handmade card! I'll also look forward to celebrating with Zac, Kayla, and Jacob!

Today is Sunday and we came back from an amazing church service and lunch out! Bert and I split a lunch at Hogans, a favorite hamburger spot of ours, on the south hill. He had a chocolate ice cream soda and I had my famous diet coke with lemon! I came home and had a nap before the start of the Super Bowl!

It's now time to exercise and get ready for school tomorrow! I feel blessed beyond measure to be surrounded by family that I adore! What a super fun weekend! I feel so blessed and so celebrated!!!

I look forward to being 61! God is good all the time, and all the time God is good!

God Bless! Love and hugs to all who read this! Love Linda

NO SNOW...NO SLEET...NO HAIL...Can Keep Me from Weight Watchers!

The day started out with a semi-blizzard at 3:00am when I got up to exercise! My first thought was a chuckle..."well, getting to my Thursday Weight Watchers meeting may be tough, but I AM going!"

School was cancelled, Bert cleared the driveway, and I knew I needed to go.

What I know for sure is that this just isn't a time when I can afford to start a pattern of not being there and not holding myself accountable to a public weigh in.

I lost 2.4 lbs! The hard work I put in this week paid off!

My birthday is next Tuesday and the gift I am giving to me as I turn 61 is a new body, new spirit and new healthy lifestyle!

Losing 35 pounds is in sight by Valentines Day or before and then forty will follow!

I am jazzed and ready to take it on!

God Bless! Love and hugs to all who read this! Love Linda

AN UPDATE ON MY "GETTING HEALTHY GOALS" FOR 2008!...Attitude, Weight Loss, Exercise, and Drinking Water!

WOW! What a week! Super busy, super stressful with some very tough consulting situations, and super packed with blessings and kindness! You know you are truly alive when all of that is on your plate! :)

I have been mindful, intentional, and purposeful about my attitude and self-talk in 2008. Bert and I are rereading The Purpose Driven Life by Rick Warren! It is a great reminder about God's grace and support and what happens when we are intentional about how we look at what happens to us in life!

We watched the movie Facing The Giants and I was brought to tears by the reminder "Do Not Fear! I am with you ALWAYS!" That sounds like an attitude adjustment to me. So...prayerfully and intentionally I am watching how I frame tough situations and my self talk!

All of this is progress for me!

On top of that I am continuing to go to Weight Watchers EVERY WEEK!!...and I am continuing to lose weight! Slowly but surely is my motto! I lost another .8 lbs. this week and I am closing in on my goal of 35 lbs by Valentines Day! What a heart gift to myself and those I love!

In the "exercise corner" I am continuing to walk at SCC first thing in the morning and "Do the stairs" four times during the day! That's a brisk, heart-moving walk up the stairs! I am less breathless than before!

On the "water front" I am hydrating my brain and drinking eight (yes, eight) large containers daily of H20 and crystal light! If there is a world-wide water shortage I may be in part to blame!

This is tough work for me...VERY tough work! My schedule at work has been slammed as I try to catch up from Christmas. Yet with God's power, God's encouragement, and the encouragement of my family and friends...I press on!

There is a black spiritual we sing at church that brings me to tears every time we sing it...
The chorus is..."I am pressing my way...I won't look back...I won't turn around...I will let God rule...I will be His servant..I am pressing my way!"

Well, can I just say a loud "Amen!" to that! I am pressing my way to get healthy!! :)

God Bless! Love and Hugs to all who read this! Linda

FACING MY FEAR- Today's Lesson In Faith!

Yesterday was Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.'s birthday. Simply put, he is one of my heroes. Talk about stepping up to the plate for what is right. Talk about not just talking the talk, but walking the walk.

I often wonder how, when he was faced with what must have seemed like insurmountable odds, that he chose to take the high road, the hard road to do what was right at great personal jeopardy. How did Martin face such hatred. Did he wake up in the middle of the night full of fear? Did he call out to God asking..."Lord, why is this so hard?" "Why me God?" "What would you have me do Lord?" I imagine he did. I know that I do.

One of my favorite quotes from Dr. King is:

Faith is taking the first step
Even when you don't see the whole staircase.

And I imagine that even with Dr. King's faith came a certain amount of fear. It's part of the human condition.

Last night I felt called to watch a movie I haven't seen before. I was cleaning the basement and stumbled upon it. It's called "Facing the Giants." It's about a Christian high school football team and their coach. Long story short, almost every part of the coach's life falls apart. His faith is tested. But instead of turning toward the fear, He turns toward God. Like Job in the Old Testament, the coach crys out to his Lord. The coach feels so afraid. Life is not turning out as he had hoped and planned. He is racked with fear and self-doubt.

An old friend and former coach comes to see him and tells him this. In the Bible, 365 times, God says these profound words,

"Do not be afraid, for I am with you." 365 times...one reminder for every day of the year!

As I heard these words I started to weep. Mind you that's not the quiet easy-to-be-around kind of cry. That's the, as Oprah Winfrey says, "the big, ugly cry" where you can't see and your nose runs. It's the kind of cry that opens up your heart and soul. I felt as if that reminder was there just for me. "Do not be afraid" "Do not be afraid!"

What am I so afraid of? Well there's a long list. Now most of these are well disguised under my very professional exterior :), yet those fears, large and small, can erode my peace of mind and serenity. What if I don't lose weight this week? What if this very hard consultation can't help the people who need help? What should I do to help student X. Y, or Z? How can I make more time for God? What if a family member really doesn't like me? The list of small, soul-eroding doubts can sap my energy.

Yet the message was plain and the message was simple. The message came in neon lights and big block letters!

"Do not be afraid for I am with you."

My God is a God who does not sound the trumpet to retreat when things get tough or doubts surface. My God is a God who stands by me in any illness, in any storm, in any time of hurt, and in times of triumph!

So today I will listen to God and I will listen to Dr. King. I will go on faith, even when I don't see the whole staircase! I will believe that even in the hardest moments this week, and some big ones are coming, I will look to my Lord for the strength I need!

I will remember that there is HOPE for every day....Do not be afraid for I am with you.And you know what?...I believe Him!

God Bless! Love and Hugs to all who read this! Linda

NOTES TO MYSELF....Learnings From This Week!

Some weeks flow smoothly and balance delicately, almost like seeing a juggler at the circus magically balance multiple plates on sticks. When one starts to slow down the juggler gently spins it and all the plates stay in motion.

Other weeks look like plates spinning out of control and crashing here and there while the juggler trys to hold up the few remaining plates.

Much of my week felt like the spinning, crashing, all- over-the-place kind of week.

When Grandma Elaine had her stroke and was so ill I went to Seattle, and I am so glad I did. No regrets there and I would make that same choice again. However, I had MANY appointments scheduled for that time and put people on hold until January. I am in the "catch up mode" and it isn't pretty at times.

I know God's desire for my life is to have it balanced in every area...work, play, spiritual, exercise, family, friends...an endless list. If new things are added to the already full list it can be pretty breathtaking in how to balance it all!

NOTE TO MYSELF: Remember to say "no". While I would love to see everyone and do everything, at times it won't all fit in.

I weighed in this week and lost close to another pound, yet health and exercise hardly made my list of prioroties.

NOTE TO MYSELF: This is a trend that cannot continue! My priorities for getting healthy cannot take a back seat to work!

As the weekend approached, I almost felt giddy. I could hardly wait to breathe and have a moment to smile and not take life so seriously. So on Friday I brought up a singing balloon and cookies for Jessi's class to celebrate their classroom blog, and brought coffee to Jess and Tiffany! What fun! What a relief!
Just seeing their faces made me feel better.

Friday night Bert and I went to see The Kite Runner, an amazing movie. We had some great couples time and my soul felt refreshed.

Saturday morning Amy and Ryan invited us to their home to have lunch and watch the Seahawks game. Just being around those wonderful family members restored my soul. I had fun watching Kayla and Jacob play the Wii, playing with precious Jenna, and commenting on the troubled Seahawks with Bert and Ryan!

NOTE TO MYSELF: Being around those people who love me just as I am, forgive my mistakes, and like me
without reservation heals my heart! Spend more time with these people and less time with those who are critical!
There are some folks who are "joy suckers" and almost suck joy out of the air. Bless their hearts, but when I am tired and need refueling myself, I need to not spend time with them.

Today is Sunday. We will head to church and then pick up Emma for a play date! I can hardly wait! When I talked to her on the phone she was "so escited" to come to our house and play "castle". That's a game I made up for her where she is the princess and a naughty fellow trys to "smooch-a-roo" her. The King (Daddy) always says, "You may NOT smooch-a-roo my daughter"...at which point Emma breaks into waves of laughter! Her love, energy, and fun sparkle will be a positive bookend to this busy week!

I am grateful for every day! I love my life, but it is my responsibility to restore balance to my schedule,

NOTE TO MYSELF: Playing with my grandchildren is the best medicine for my heart!

As this next week approaches I am going to be more intentional and mindful about attending to my spirit, having time with God, having time with those I love, and keeping life in balance!

Love and Hugs to all who read this!
God bless! Love Linda

LIVING LIFE WITH A CAPITAL L...Lessons From Bert Salisbury!

I teach an Intercultural Communication class where the theme of the course is "Seeing Yourself And Others Through New Eyes." The notion is that many of us, including me, live in a rut! We have pre-determined ways of doing things and ways of thinking about things and other people. We see ourselves and others, in a limited way and often play out our days taking few real risks.

What kind of risks you might ask? Risks to eat new foods, go to a movie you usually wouldn't see, try a new sport you think you can't do, get to really know someone before casting a judgement on who they are...the list goes on and on.

Recently one of my students asked me a very thought-provoking question. She said, "When you were my age (30), and thought about being in your sixties, did you come close to imagining what it would really be like?" Can I just add here that I absolutely LOVE how smart and insightful my students are, especially when they are in an environment that encourages independent thinking.

She went on to ask if other people who were sixty or older sometimes looked at me and thought I was just nuts for how I lived my life. "Well, Virginia" ...quoting a famous letter about Santa Claus..."probably so." But let's not stereotype all people in their sixties.

I then asked her "How do you experience most people my age?" She replied, "I experience them as predictable and cautious. My Mom and Grandma are really afraid to be visible, with their opinions, lives, or hurts. They just live with a lower case l."

I've thought about what she said all weekend. Perhaps I should write a book about "Learning To Live Life with a Capital L." And I do mean "learning" as I am learning too.

It's easy for life to get very predictable at any age. The "rut', or all too familiar pattern of life, is taking the comfortable road and not going outside your comfort zone. The "rut" is not taking risks...and by risks I mean learning about new parts of life, not by reading about them on the computer, but by really experiencing what that new way of life has to offer. Short answer...stop being SO AFRAID of change. Or perhaps just...work on my fear!

My role model for being adventursome and living Life with a capital L is my beloved husband Bert. Bert is 73, but not a typical 73 year old (if there is such a thing). Bert is amazing...a wealth of knowlege about windsurfing (he named the sport and helped to develop it), world history, nutrition and health, exercise (he has a gym on our top floor and can do 43 full pushups..I've seen him do them), mental health and addiction issues, family dynamics and systems, the candidates for the current election, gardening (he is a master gardener), Native-American artifacts and history, the Lewis and Clark Trail, rocks, worms...the list is endless. Bert reads every night and he often reads outloud to improve his "reading out loud skills" for his poetry class. You see Bert didn't read until he was 19 because of dyslexia.

Beside all of this, and living his life courageously, Bert is an amazing husband, Papa,
Boppa and Grandpa. As a husband he has loved me completely for 25 years, adored me, done conflict with me, and kept every wedding vow he made. As a Papa to Jessi and Amy he has been SO unselfish and loving. He never made the girls compete with him for my attention. He
knew the kind of Mom I was and that meant that often the girls came first.

He won my heart when he let Jessi and Amy vote on whether he could come into our family. They have always been his daughters, even though not biologically. He once told me, after meeting the girls, "It was lucky I met you first because I feel in love with them the moment I met them." He build tree houses for them, brought dry clothes for them at school, stood up for them, and watched their boyfriend like a protective hawk! He taught them how to drive his old truck and wouldn't let me come because he knew I would scare them to death every time I pumped an invisible brake on my side!

And as a Boppa or Grandpa..well there are no words. He loves those grandbabies, no matter their age, with every cell in his body. Have you ever seen Boppa with Jacob? It's like watching true love in action! He has danced with Emma and done marching bands with her through our living room, talked Indian artifacts with Zac, had long talks with Kayla about counseling and why he does that (she asked!), and made countless drawings of aliens with Jacob!

Bert's life has not always been easy or predictable. He has overcome huge challenges like growing up in an alcoholic family, chrones disease, and surviving cancer! Yet Bert could be easily overlooked and misunderstood because he is older and sometimes quiet and humble in gatherings with many people. He is not one to "toot his own horn".

I cannot tell you how many people miss out on who he is because they don't take the time to get to know him. They are in a "rut" about how they see Bert and relate to him. They
forget to ask about and listen to his "story".

Bert teaches me every day about getting out of my "rut" and taking new risks. If we go to a restaurant, Bert will try the item on the menu that he has never eaten before. He'll order squid even though others may say " Squid, Yuk!"...even though they have never tried it. Bert is an amazing psychotherapist who still has a full-time practice. He will tell you, "You know, I am so blessed. I am getting better at this every day. I learn so much from my clients. I am there to serve them." What is also unique is that 1/3 of Bert's practice is "pro-bono" which means that he gives free counseling to those who cannot afford it or don't have insurance. On the other side of the fence, he also works with CEOs who run gigantic corporations.

Bert, on Mondays, is in a poetry class. He has done this for four years now. His poetry touches my heart as he writes about Jacob, Emma, Jenna, Kayla, Zac, Jessi, Amy...me :), his experiences as a paratrooper, his hopes and dreams, his growth at 73!

It was Bert whose interest got us to Bethel AME, a small, primarily African-American church on the south hill. He had heard about Lonnie Mitchell...he wanted to stretch his faith so he went. I, however, was very reluctant to go. I had lots of questions and concerns...fears really. How did the women dress? What was the service like? How was this similar or different from the churches I was "comfortable" with?

Well, I'm here to tell you, it is VERY different. People know you, greet you, hug you...no matter the color of your skin. The music is totally unbelievable! It is a Gospel choir! It's a party for Jesus every week. The service is two hours long.

Now before you say..."oh, how awful. I could never go to a church for two hours! How boring!"...(ie out of your comfort zone)...have you ever been to THIS church for two hours? I would liken it to going to a ZAGS game for two hours...not boring!

Had I not stretched myself and gone outside my comfort zone, I would have missed out on an AMAZING, Life-Changing experience! And that is Life with a capital L!

So here's to taking risks at 60...almost 61! :) Here's to trying new things, reading new books, going outside my views! Here's to really seeing myself and others through NEW eyes! Here's to being more like my beloved Bert in 2008!

God Bless! Love and Hugs to all who read this! Love, Linda

NEW NUMBERS...NEW BEGINNINGS...NEW BLESSINGS!

2008 is underway and has gotten off to a great start! Yesterday I had new numbers of students at SCC and new weight loss numbers at Weight Watchers!

I met with my new students for the first time and while the student numbers are down at SCC my classes are over-full! :) I have 93 students in three classes. It was a true joy seeing the faces of over 40 former students sprinkled in amongst the 93 faces. It felt like coming home to see their smiles and get their hugs!

As I told Bert last night, I think I will call up Dr. Livingston our Chancellor at the Community Colleges and just thank him for the blessing of teaching at SCC! I LOVE this place and the wide variety of students we serve. For example, one amazing new student had lots of facial piercings and many unique earrings (one was an small antler coming from his ear) and an amazing hat that looked like it came from a Grateful Dead concert. I loved his uniqueness and was so pleased when after class he came up and with so much excitement and love expressed his deep desire to learn interpersonal communication skills. He said he was so excited for what he was going to learn and so excited to have me as a teacher because of all he had heard from students about me. I was OVERJOYED at his amazing attitude! I mean there is not one boring moment in this job! I am SO blessed!

After working with students all morning I took my lunch hour and went to my Weight Watcher meeting. It was the first one for 2008. Coming back after a long holiday break most people were concerned about where they would be. It was a fairly small group, which was surprising, since I thought most folks would want to know the news, either good or bad. While my vacation time didn't go perfectly with weight loss, I was down another .4 pounds and the only one in the group who had a weight loss. While this isn't huge by any standards, I was very pleased after a holiday time of eating out, eating at a hotel, and fixing "regular" food for Bert on vacation, that I kept to my goal of some weight loss during the break. The key was portion control. I often split meals like the one I had at Clinkerdaggers with Sharon. This is such hard work and I am working on my self talk constantly!

The key is to weight loss success in 2008 for me is to be very self aware of what I did over the break and what I need to do now. Progress in this area of my life is a constant battle of self awareness and self correction!

In short... I need to continue to go to Weight Watcher meetings (I have to hold myself accountable even on the "not so good" weeks), track my food points (which didn't go too well during vacation since I was often eating food I didn't have point totals for), drink water, and up my exercise level. Simply said...I need to consistently DO the Weight Watcher program each day and each week! No excuses, just DO IT!!!

I loved my break from the regular routine over Christmas and New Years! It was wonderful to
see family and friends in a more relaxed environment! And that said, I am also thrilled to be back in the saddle again...doing the teaching and consulting I love, seeking to serve my students and clients everyday, and working hard to get healthy!

God Bless! Love and hugs to all who read this! Love Linda :)

NEW YEAR BLESSINGS!! Setting New Goals....

I love new beginnings and fresh starts! There is something very appealing about starting a new year... almost like an empty book about to be written in! What will the year hold? What blessings will God send our way? What challenges (disguised gifts:)) will we encounter? What personal and professional changes do I need to make to be a happier, healthier, and more loving person?

Here are several New Years Traditions I observe:

1) Over the years Bert and I have had a tradition of exchanging 3 by 5 cards. On them we write down 10 things we would love for our partmer to work on in the coming year! Once the "loving suggestion" is on the card, it isn't broughht up again or nagged about. Bert often carries the card in his wallet as do I. I probably re-read once a week what is on his heart for me. This really reminds me of areas of growth that I can make that will bring a positive impact to my marriage!

2) I often have "What would you like more of from me? What would you like less of from me" discussions with important people in my life. This gives me an "updated postcard" on areas of growth I need to make.

3) I also take legal sized paper and spell out goals for every area of my life. I save these from year-to-year so I can see the progress I am making. I keep these in my downstairs office as a constant reminder of where I want to be and where I think God wants me to be. There is a sheet for my spiritual growth and improving my relationship with God, my relationship with Bert, my relationship with family ( a section for each family member), relationships with friends, my financial health, my communication skills, unresolved hurts and conflicts, relationships with neighbors, my personal health, my teaching work, my consulting work...the list goes on and on. This really helps me to keep track of the areas of my life that really matter to me. It helps me to live intentionally and as Rick Warren says, "have a purpose-driven life"!

Yesterday was the first day in 2008. I took the time to re-read the sheets from 2007. I feel grateful and humbled by all of the blessings God brought in 2007! I am also aware that I have much to learn and am not a "done deal", as my Mom used to say! I anticipate with positive expectation what God will do this next year!

I am working on new goals for 2008. Here are a few of them:

I am taking a fitness class at the college and a pilates class for early risers from 6-7am two mornings a week. My health and wellness is a continued priority. I plan to continue to go to Weight Watchers, and I have short and long-term weight loss goals set up. I want God to be on the front burner of my life so (again) I want to make more time to read his word and learn about my walk in faith. Going to Women of Faith Conferences and a Cannon Beach spiritual retreat are already on my 2008 calendar! I also want more balance in my life with work and play! More and more I realize what being an overachiever in the work arena does to my soul. I want to worry less and pray more! I want to have more forgiveness and fewer grudges. I want to speak about people with compassion and kindness, not criticism and judgements.

I started blogging in 2007 and I am amazed at the blessings that have come from taking that risk!... Lots of great learnings about myself and others. Lots of connecting and supporting that might have been missed without keeping in touch. I have laughed and cried at the stories that have unfolded. I have prayed unceasingly for the health of people who comment on my blog! I have LOVED seeing the pictures of my sweet grandbabies as I look at a post made by Jessi or Amy! This too has been a blessing! I have shared my story and my journey in life.

And my prayer for you is that 2008 will be a time of real growth for each of you! May you know that you are deeply loved. May you not take those you love for granted! May you live each day as if it was your last!

Thank you for the blessing you are in my life!

God Bless! Loves and hugs to all who read this! love Linda

HIGHLIGHTS OF THE CHRISTMAS SEASON...How Blessed We Are!

I have absolutely LOVED this Christmas season! There have been so many wonderful moments, and I have savored each one. They all go into my memory bank. Here are a few of the highlights of this blessed time in somewhat chronological order:

1) Going to the Nutcracker ballet with Jessi and Emma. We went out to lunch first and then the ballet! It was magical! Watching Emma watch the dancers and seeing her dance in the lobby after the ballet warmed my heart!

2) Going to Anna's Christmas concert and hearing her sing! What beautiful and angelic voices! This set the tone for me for the Christmas season!

3) Going to Seattle and seeing Grandma Elaine in person after her stroke
and singing songs to her including Jesus Loves Me! Making that trip with Amy and Jenna helped me to remember that the Christmas season is about giving and it is about loving family!

4) Having time in Seattle at the hospital to connect with Steve and Joanna and really share our faith! Getting to have quality time with them was a real blessing!

5) Talking to Bazz (Tim's sister) on the phone when she was at the hospital with Mom. I love her so much...always have and always will!

4) Finding special Christmas "buckets" at Safeway and loading them with special presents for my family and delivering them to neighbors! Finding "just the right gift" for people delights me, and then stuffing the buckets with tissue paper and those Christmas goodies is so much FUN! We have a blazing fire in the fireplace, drink hot cider, and listen to Christmas music during this process!

5) Drawing my own Christmas card and personalizing each one with glitter! Having the time to be creative and do art is a gift to my heart!

6) Reading Christmas cards and letters from friends and family and re-connecting with them!
I know some people want to give up the tradition of sending Christmas cards, but it's a ritual that has great meaning for our family!

7) Meeting my goal (plus one) of losing thirty pounds by Christmas! WOW! This was a huge gift to myself and those I love! I came into this Christmas "lighter" in spirit and pounds!

8) Having dinner at Clinkerdaggers with my special friend Sharon Hartnett! (I go every year on a spiritual retreat to Cannon Beach with Sharon) Clinkerdaggers is dressed up for Christmas like no other restaurant I know! Sharon and I split a dinner and had a great time sharing and catching up!

9) Doing special wrappings and decorations on Christmas presents! This year I went wild with glitter, ornaments, bows, and glittery pine cones! My grandpa (My Dad's Dad) once told me that the present really starts with wrapping it in a way that someone gets a visual gift even before they open it! I even made glittery snowflakes on bags at 2am Christmas morning! How fun!

10) Sewing a special Christmas stocking for precious baby Jenna...see picture above! :)
This is a tradition started by my Mom, Nana Dee!

11) Going to the most meaningful Christmas service at our church and really pondering and celebrating what the birth of Jesus really means today! The gospel music rocked my soul and the contemporary Christmas play was amazing!

12) Christmas morning with Jessi, Rog and Emma and seeing Emma's face totally light up with her presents! Finding special ballet goodies for Emma made my day! Boppa also gave Emma some special rocks for her rock collection. These rocks had been collected by Boppa's Daddy! Emma looked at each one and shared about the rocks in her collection! What a special time!

13) Celebrating Christmas with Amy, Ryan, Jacob, Jenna, Zac, and Kayla at the Coeur d'Alene
Resort where we went swimming, hot tubbing, took saunas and some of us had massages! What a treat! We all loved the chance to be together and how fun to not do the cooking or clean up! We all had a mini-vacation! Bert and I had an extra day there so we had some fun couples time too!

14) Having relaxed time to spend with my sweet hubby where we could watch movies, talk, and take walks in the snow! Bert and I LOVE to spend time together. Seeing movies and discussing them is so much fun for us! We still, after all these years, love "date nights"!

15) Seeing the amazing movie Grampa Tim made about Jenna! What a treasure! I've already watched the DVD three times, and I cry each time! What a HUGE amount of love and work went into this gift!

16) Receiving special presents like the family calendar, a "Nana's Brag Book", family photos, and amazing digital photos in a frame that changed and moved! These thoughtful gifts really touched my heart!

17) Knowing in my heart of hearts...that nothing compares to loving Jesus...and that He is the reason for the season! While all of the fun and activities were a blast...even more important to me is keeping my eye on the gift of Jesus during Christmas time!

My prayer is that this has been a time of fun, joy, celebration and gratitude for you as well! Thank you for the gift you are in my life!
God Bless! Love and hugs to all who read this! Love Linda

MEETING THE CHRISTMAS GOAL....Thirty One Pounds Bite The Dust!

Gifts comes in all shapes and sizes! This gift was a gift to myself and a gift to those I love!

I set a Weight Watcher goal of losing thirty pounds by Christmas...and I actually lost thirty one pounds!

The journey of a healthy lifestyle continues...weight loss, exercise, and drinking lots of water! New goals will be set for 2008! I am excited to see the new results!

But for the moment...I am thrilled to keep this promise to myself!

A HUGE thanks to those who have supported me... especially Bert, Amy, Jessi, Kayla, Jacob, Kim and Tiffany, the members of my weight watcher group, and the students in my 8:30 Interpersonal Communication class!

God Bless! Love and Hugs to all who read this!
Love Linda

We Wish You A Merry Christmas!

At this blessed Christmas time...Bert and I want to send you our love and Best Wishes for a wonderful Christmas and a New Year filled with love, joy, fun, challenges, faith and hope!

Here's our family's Christmas card! Some of you will get this in person...for others we send it to you with love!

God Bless and love to all who read this! Linda and Bert

PASS THE CHEER!...and then in a twinkling I heard in the driveway! :)

'Tis the season to do wonderful things for others and surprise them with your anonomous generosity!

At 6:10 am this morning, after my walk in the snow, I went out to get the Sunday paper.
There was a man with a hand-held snow shovel shoveling our driveway.

At first I didn't recognize him so I said "Good Morning!"
He looked up with a huge grin...and guess who it was....???

Our Pastor, Pastor Lonnie Mitchell :) :)

Our busy, busy Pastor, on a church morning, was shoveling our driveway, by hand.
Our driveway...I still can't get over it!

What an act of kindness! He reminds me of how Jesus would act and how Jesus would give.

I am so, so touched by his kindness! We'll see him in church in just a few hours, but until then I can't wait until Bert wakes up to tell him who our secret snow shoveler was!!!
Tee Hee!

God Bless! Hugs and loves to all who read this! Love Linda

OUT OF THE MOUTHS OF BABES..."Nana, are you on the naughty or nice list?"

Children say the darndest things. And often what they say is so pure, so straight-forward, so honest, so to the point of it all... that it knocks my socks off.

Christmas brings up lots of discussions with grandchildren at our house. Jacob came over for a playdate and to spend the night. He was shocked to see our dining room table brimming with Christmas cards, personalized ornaments, and glitter. At first he closed his eyes and wanted to be sure if it was OK if he looked. I assured him it was. He then found a corner of the table to do an art project on. And that's when the conversation began.

"Nana", he said. "Yes honey" I said.

"Do you think you'll be on the naughty or nice list?"

We had been singing the Christmas song about :

"You better watch out, you better not cry. You better not pout, I'm telling you why" ...
"He's making a list and checking it twice. He's going to find out who's naughty or nice."

I told him, although suddenly not quite sure about it really, that I hoped I would be on the nice list.

He said he hoped he would be too, but he had really been thinking about it alot lately.

[Side note here...being a Nana and really hearing what my Grandchildren think, feel and believe is a sacred honor to me! These are golden moments, memory makers for me. I adore seeing who my sweet grandbabies REALLY are.]

Jacob then proceeded to tell me that he was really working on being nicer to everyone, even the "mean people".

I asked him what the "mean people" do and he said, "They hurt others because they are really sad inside because they don't have love in their hearts. Maybe if we are nice to them they'll be happier."

OK...I was speechless.

The end of a year is always an opportunity for self-reflection. It's an opportunity to set up new goals for 2008. Jacob's talk with me really opened my heart and started me thinking. How nice have I been to some of the "mean people" in my life? Oh, not that they set out to be mean. Maybe, they are just cross, or grumpy, or distant, or don't call any more. Maybe they are too hurt to do any of those things so I need to swallow my pride and call them...again? Maybe their tanks aren't full or they need more love? Maybe, just maybe, I am on someone's "mean people" list??

I want to step out of my comfort zone, even with the folks who may not respond positively.
How I am, and how I want to be, has nothing to do with how they behave.

Jesus is my role model for that. He was nice and kind even when people were really mean.

So thanks, Jacob, for the Christmas gift...a perfect reminder. Am I on the nice list or naughty list?

It's up to me!

God Bless! Love and hugs to all who read this! Linda

ANOTHER POUND BITES THE DUST...For A Total of 28!

The Christmas season is full of temptations, but I am keeping track of my points and saving the temptations for something special...when I have EARNED them!

This past week has been full of arts and crafting, so much of my attention has been diverted from food! My goal is to keep losing a pound a week during the holiday season! I'm also eating lots of vegetables and drinking water.

Blessings, hugs and loves to all who read this! Love Linda

"THESE ARE A FEW OF MY FAVORITE THINGS"...Drawing My Own Christmas Card :)

One of my "sanity savers" is to sit down and draw! It captivates my soul, my sense of color and dimension, and my love of fine small details! I get lost in drawing! It's like reading the best book and looking up to discover that three hours have passed.

I started drawing when I was quite young. I took a number of art classes in Seattle, but I am mostly self-taught! My favorite kind of art to engage in is water color pencil drawing, collage with fine transparent papers, and pen and ink drawing!

I made Memory Books for both Jessi and Amy..."Letters From Your Mom-What I Want You To Know When I Am Gone" and I included some of my art. I also have a tradition of drawing my own Christmas cards.

Someone recently asked me what that process was like. So here's a view inside this artist's head:

First, I search and search for an inspiration piece, something that jogs my ideas anf gets my creative juices flowing. One year I found my inspiration on a card, another year in a painting in a window in Levinworth Washington, on a piece of fabric, a cookie box, and this year in an art piece in a book.

Next, I get artist's paper and begin to sketch in pencil. This often takes several days to a week of work. Getting the size and dimensions to "fit" on a small piece of paper is often difficult. My biggest problem areas are eyes and smiles. Last year I must have re-done Santa's eyes ten times.

After sketching everything in pencil, and if you look closely at my letters and drawings you can still see some of the pencil marks, I set out with paint pens, watercolor pencils. white out for mistakes and take over our dining table as the process unfolds.

This year, as always, Bert was a part of the whole process. His encouragement and comments.. "Wow, that's coming right along!"... are so helpful. You should see our dining room...paper and pens, glitter and envelopes...EVERYWHERE! The painting process often takes several 6-8 hour days to complete.

I then take the painted original to Kinkos and they color copy the original. I usually make 40 cards. However, the process is far from over.

The next step is to personalize each card with gold paint (for Santa's buckle. sleigh rails, bells etc) and lots and lots of glitter! My grandaughter , Emma, is my inspiration for that! Like her Nana, she loves sparkles and glitter. Her card is always so glittered that you can hardly see the drawing:) ...Clear glitter for Santa's beard, gold glitter for the elves boots, Santa's buckle. green glitter...well the list goes on and on. Needless to say, our carpet sparkles.

I dry all the cards by our fireplace, punch holes in the card and attached letter, and tie each one with ribbon. I then write a short personalized note, decorate the envelope, and send the card on its way.

The whole process usually takes several weeks and often the ideas percolate for several months. I often take the saying for the card from old Christmas songs. Last year I had Santa checking his list and said, "He's making a list and checking it twice" and I had all the names of my grandchildren on the list! What a hoot!

I already have an idea for next year and wish there was time to get started right now!

These cards are a gift of love from me to my family, a Christmas tradition. Making the cards is is a gift to my soul.

Over the years, to see all the fine, detailed work, I have graduated to wearing glasses during the process...just like St. Nick. I'll unveil this card on my blog after I send it out to family and friends!

Tee Hee! What fun!
Love and Christmas kisses! God bless! Love, Linda

LIFE LESSONS...I Miss My Mom!

Yesterday I was at Safeway for my early morning espresso. Now "early morning" is relative because when school is in session I am there at 5:30 am, like clockwork! I know the night crew by name and Paul greets me as I come in the door. Not many regular customers at that hour.

But this was different. As my Mom used to say, and I LOVE this phrase, I was " Lolly Gagging Along" and I got there at 7am. Who did I meet but my former student Theresa Waco. Theresa was my student 15 years ago at SCC, and she is currently a special-ed teacher at Hamblin Elementary School. She is a former nun, former teacher at Mt. St. Michael, and her life story could be a made-for-TV movie. She is one of the many "could never forget them" students that I have had over the years. I was invited to her last birthday party, had coffee with her after her mother died recently, and I bump into her at Fred Meyers and Safeway regularly. We light up when we see each other.

My conversations with Theresa are never surface level. We always get down to it , as if this was the last time we will ever see each other. She, like most dedicated teachers at this time of the year is exhausted. She was carrying an "energy drink" that promised 4 hours of energy. She needed much more and days of sleep. We talked about Christmas and her upcoming holiday. We talked about missing our Moms.

Theresa mentioned that one of her sisters was putting together a family calendar with pictures and "Mom Sayings" from each of the kids. A few of the questions to they were to answer that would go on the calendar?...what was one phrase that Mom always said to you? What was the happiest memory you had with Mom? What was your earliest memory with Mom? If you could talk to Mom today, what would you say to her?

There just are not words, not any words, that can possibly convey what it feels like in my heart and soul to have my Mom gone physically, to have her dead, to not be able to hear her voice or listen to her wisdom. I can't stop crying, even now years later, when I think about it. After Theresa and I talked and I got in the car...a deep, deep sob came from somewhere inside me.
Truth is...I miss my Mom terribly! I miss her every day, I miss her when I am sick, I miss her at the holidays and on her birthday and anniversary...I miss her all the time.

Now you might assume from all that missing that I had a perfect relationship with my Mom. I didn't. She wasn't perfect and neither was I. For the last several years of her life she was very ill, and I traveled to Seattle every other weekend to help with her care. I coordinated all of her health care and kept track of all her insurance. She was often furious at me that I refused to buy her cigaretes and unhappy when I gave her the nubulizer treatments that helped her to breathe. I remember, deep in my bone marrow, the sounds of the oxygen machine that kept her alive at night. I slept in the spare bedroom right next door to where she was and could hear every gasp of air that she took. My life was uprooted during that time...a life lived partially in Spokane and partially in Seattle. Yet I wouldn't trade a minute of that "give back time" that I had with her. Not one minute.

You see while my Mom and I were very different in many ways, she was a detail person whose home was always in perfect order and I was and am someone where time with people means more to me than a clean house, I really had a Mom who loved me every minute. I had a "go to the ends of the earth for you kind of mom" every minute that she was alive. I had a Mom who loved me with every cell of her body and that didn't change when I left home. I had a Mom that could irritate me like no one else, but at the same time could love me like no one else. I had a Mom. Had a Mom.

I am currently reading Mitch Albom's book "for one more day". Mitch is the author of "Tuesdays With Morrie", one of my all-time favorite reads. In his latest novel Albom explores the question: What would you do if you could spend one more day with a lost loved one? This book, which for me is a 5 kleenex book, explores several life lessons that hit me in the face right now.

When you look back, and it is all said and done, will you be overwhemed with regret that you held on to bitterness and didn't do forgiveness? What happens to our spirits and our hearts when we refuse to see the good in others who are right beside us, our mothers, our sisters, our fathers, our brothers, our children, our spouses, our co-workers? What happens to our souls when we make someone "wrong" and can't let go of decisions they needed to make for themselves? What happens to us when we are too angry, too proud, too self-righteous, or too hurt, to reach out to others and say "I am so, so sorry. I must have really hurt you!"

Someone once said to me, "Treat everyone as if they have a broken heart...because they probably do!" Wise words. When you get that lesson, and see others differently, perhaps we can live life with more compassion and more real love.

If I could have one more day with anyone, it would be my mom. I would tell her how much I miss her and what a WONDERFUL Mom and friend she was to me. I would tell her I am so, so sorry for any of the petty differences I let come between us. I would tell her I am so proud to be her daughter, her friend. I would tell her that I will never, ever forget all of the sacrifices she made so I could go to college, all of the times she drove me to school, all of the sleep overs she had at my house, all the lunches we had that I took for granted. Now, when I see other daughters my age having lunch with their elderly Moms...I want to go over and whisper in the daughter's ear..."Soak it up, appreciate it all...she may be gone tomorrow!" I would give anything, and change any busy schedule, to have lunch one more time with my Mom.

I would tell her that I haven't been a perfect Mom either, but I have tried, really tried with all of my heart, to have Jessi and Amy feel as loved by me as I felt loved by her. I would tell her that I could feel her presence at the Nutcracker Ballet and wished she was there. I would tell her what Jenna, and Jacob, and Emma are like...knowing how happy that would make her.

So the life lesson for me today is this. ..Don't take those you love for granted. You will discover, when they are gone, how many opportunities you missed...by being angry, or hurt, or distant...to tell them that you really love them.

Trust me, that when they are gone, you will regret every wasted moment...and you will miss them beyond what you could ever imagine.

God Bless! Love and Hugs to all who read this! Love Linda